Almuñécar has to make a choice, and make it now.

The plantations along the Rio Verde are on their way out, partly because of urban expansion and partly because they are quite simply not profitable for the farmers. The Chirimoyo has proved to be an economic flop, so much so that many orchards have been abandoned. So what should they be replaced with; plastic green houses or a golf course?

Plastic farming isn't a serious option because it only benefits the few and side effects produce crime and misery in the shape of exploited immigrant labour and prostitution. Aesthetically, of course, it is hideous, depressing and soulless. Quite apart from the tremendous economic benefits, a golf course is, at the very least, pleasing to the eye. It would be a shame if Almuñécar became a sprawling mass of concrete and plastic like so many coastal areas.

Tourism Conference in Almuñécar's Hotel Meliá

Hotel Meliá hosted the Jornadas de Turismo 2002 on the 16th and 17th of December. The event was organized by ADESTUR, (Society for the Tourist Development of Almunecar and La Herradura). The whole thing boiled down to golf - or the lack of it in Almuñécar. The big name on the first night was D. Javier Aroca Alonso, the Vice-Councillor for Tourism and Sports of the Junta de Andalucia. This man had a lot to say and some of it was interesting. Here are the facts: Andalucia contains the largest amount of protected areas in Europe; the old style tourism, based on improvisation is in crisis; the battle for cheap tourism is lost; the future lies in 'Residential Tourism'; if we don't have a golf course, we aren't going to get any.

Here are the figures: 800,000 foreign families will be moving to Spain in the next 5 years; Florida, with a similar climate and tourist based economy has 2,000 golf courses - there are only 250 in the whole of Spain; a 'golf-playing' tourist spend 3 times more than a normal tourist and 4 times more than a 'beach tourist; a golf course is a beach that is open all four seasons of the year; Malaga holds down 80 percent of the 'golf-tourism' in Andalucia.

The conclusion: We are in desperate need of a golf course or we are in profound dung. Now, if we bear in mind that the meeting was really a PA affair and that the PGOU of 1987, in which a golf course was foreseen, is their baby, then things become a little clearer. The present town council, which was made up of the unlikely combination of socialist and conservatives, has put the 1987 PGOU (urban planning scheme) on hold for the last three years. They have also (as is mentioned in another article in this month's Gazette) changed the chief architect from a PA creature to an outsider. As before all local elections, things are taking form and battle cries are being composed. During the last elections PA candidate, Juan Carlos Benavides, was the favourite and technically, he was the winner. Yet, due to an alliance of erstwhile foes, he was kept from office by their hybrid coalition. Four tatty years later, with a populace left unimpressed by the experience, Benavides looks set to recuperate the mayoralty, whether he flies the golf banner or not. A frequently heard comment in town is, "He has done good things and bad things, but the main thing is that he has done things".

Golf. The Facts.

- At present there are 250 golf courses in Spain. 1980 there were only 50 and by 1989 there were 91.

- According to Turespaña golf generated 1,286m euro (£857m) during the year 2000.

- Almost 600,000 golfing tourists a year visit Spain. In 1985 the figure was 120,000. By 1990 the figure has risen to 180,000. In 1997 the figure stood at 320,000, which means that it has doubled in the last three years.

- Because golf is a sport that can be played all year round here in Andalucía - 58% of the golf industry in Spain is in Andalucía - quality tourism is spread over the traditionally slack periods in hotel occupation.

- There are 200,000 Golf Federation players in Spain. Compare the following: 1966 = 2,500 licences, 1970 = 5,000 licences, 1974 = 10,000 licences, 1983 = 25,000 licences, 1989 50,000 licences and finally, 1996 = 100,000 licences.

- Almuñécar still doesn't have a golf course.

The PA is having a go at the present PP mayor over the Municipal Council's choice of Chief Architect for Urban Planning. Of course, it's all just a part of the 'squaring up' for the coming municipal elections. Benavides, the ex-mayor and leader of the PA, claims that the present council has passed over the resident municipal chief architect in a selection process that amounts to little more than 'shutting their eyes and pointing with a finger'. Besides which, he claims, there are not sufficient funds for an external candidate to be brought in. The PGOU (General Urban Planning By-Laws) in force dates back to 1987 and was introduced during Benavides' mayorality. However, in 1997 plans were made to update them but little has been achieved since then. According to the present Mayor, Gonzalez, this is due to the inadequacies of the municipal architect, hence their bringing outside help in. Quite apart from this squabbling, knowing looks are being exchanged between local builders and even ordinary citizens.

And they're off! The first stone of the new hotel in Taramay was laid on Friday the 13th of December. Hmm... was that a good idea? I would have waited one more day, myself. Playacalida, the four star hotel in question, is situated on top of Loma de Baul, between the Cabria and Pozuelo beaches. It is hoped that it will be ready for opening in 2004 and will have 300 double rooms, 8 suites, 4 singles and 6 rooms adapted for the physically handicapped. The whole thing will cost 12 million euros (8 million pound) to build. The Ideal newspapers speaks of how 'in tune' it will be with its surrounding environment but you can't get away from the fact that the environment was much more in tune before they started building there.

Jose Antonio del Puerto claims that his party, the PSA is being discriminated against by the Mayor of Almunecar. Now, I don't know if anybody has told Jose Antonio, but his eyes are, if not just a little too close together, a little too squinty to be trusted. I'm only trying to be helpful! The accusation centres on the fact that the town hall hasn't facilitated a full list of the town's residents to the PSA. The Mayor, whose eyes are even closer together, (a fact accentuated by a rampant nose) pointed out that it is illegal to hand over such information to anybody without court authorisation and that the electoral list, on the other hand, is freely available to anybody who should request it. He went on to add that Jose Antonio's complaint only goes to show just how little prepared and informed the PSA candidate is for the office of mayor, bless him.

At last Almuñécar is getting a professional fire brigade. This doesn't mean that there will be new firemen, but that they will no longer be unpaid volunteers. There is no doubt that this is a very positive step forwards. For the time being the 16-man team and their equipment will continue to be housed near the municipal stores, until the new fire stations is built. The volunteer fire service goes back twenty years.

Killer crossroads takes yet another life. The woman, who was seriously injured when trying to cross the main road at the junction near the old football stadium, Taramay, died in hospital as a result of head injuries. There have been three accidents in the last five months. The first was at the end of July and resulted in one death and one person seriously injured. The second involved a Guardia Civil motorbike patrolman who was badly injured but is said to be making good recovery. The problem with the crossroad is that it is at the top of a rise coming from either direction. The overtaking lane leading up from Almuñécar always ensures fast moving traffic coming from that direction while impatient drivers held up by slow moving vehicles coming through the tunnel in the opposite direction take advantage of the first stretch of straight road, which is immediately before the crossroads.

The geriatric clinic that has been little more than a dream for the last forty years is, at last, becoming reality. The Mayor and the Priest of Almuñécar have announced that an agreement has been reached between the township and the diocese of Granada to create the Socorro Ordónez Foundation, which will be encharged with the construction of the clinic and its running. It is envisaged that the clinic will have the capacity for between 85 and 100 residents. The site is next to the Sexi High School, (hmm. that should be nice and peaceful for the residents), which is up the top of town, not far from the Guardia Civil Post. Part of the project will be financed by a fruit farm within the Jete Township. But don't rush to the cupboard for Grandad's overcoat because building won't start for another 4 to 8 months. Slowly, the emphasis on care for the old is shifting from the daughter or daughter-in-law to a professional body.

The Member of the Andalucian Parliament for the Partido Andalucista, Jose Calvo Poyato, managed to obtain approval for the motion to end the period that a self-employed worker must wait to receive state benefit in the case of sick leave. "Under the present system, when a self employed worker ceases work because of illness, he has to wait a fortnight before he receives any sick benefit." Sr. Poyato, flanked by Juan Carlos Benavides of Almuñécar, added that if this new proposal goes through, a worker would only have to wait four days before receiving 24 euro a day for the remain eleven days. After this he will be entitled to full sick benefit.

San Miguel is more than a beer, more than a fiesta and more than a brand of British underwear; it's a castle. And what's going on up at the castle? Money! Yes, money because 1.6 million euro (£1m) is going to be spent on doing it up. The town hall is only getting its sweaty little hands on 150,000 euro (approx. £100,000) and with this sum they must sort the walls out and knock up some exhibition rooms for visitors before the 30th of June and thereby justify the rest of the dosh. San Miguel castle, (you don't get many castles named after a beer, do you?) was originally built in the 4th century BC by the Romans - who didn't go much on beer anyway. Then the Moors got their hands on it from the 12th to the 15th century AD - and they certainly couldn't give a toss about beer, either. Finally the ale-swilling Christian piss heads moved in and it was a toss up between San Miguel and Alhambra, but the second was already taken by the Granada mob and nobody seriously considered calling the castle, Cruz Campo. So, there you have it. The strange thing is, knowing all this, that although they're going to build a museum up there and God knows what else, the project doesn't seem to mention anywhere where you can buy a pint!

The Town Hall of Almuñécar has given a 30 days ultimatum to the provincial administration to close down the town's rubbish dump above La Herradura. If the Board for the Environment hasn't contracted a firm to shut down the dump and recycle the waste, then the Almuñécar town hall will take it upon themselves to do so. Almuñécar had already appointed a firm to carry out the task back in 1999, but the Board for the Environment stepped in and cancelled the contract because they said they would deal with it. The rubbish dump stopped receiving organic rubbish some years ago but building rubble is still dumped there. It has been a catch twenty-two situation up till now, because Almuñécar won´t close the dump until the recycling process begins and the Granada Authorities won´t begin the waste recycling until it is closed.

The women's association in solidarity with single mothers, Marisa Sendon, has changed its address in Almuñécar. The new address is Avenida Costa del Sol, No15 bajo (Edificio Atenea). The Telephone and fax number remain the same: 958 634401. The office is open to the public from 10am to 1pm, Monday to Friday.

A group of 25 young Almuñécans received a grant of 5,108 euro (1,900 quid) to sod off to Cadiz and meet similar amounts of youths from Baza, Armilla and Santa Fe, amongst other places. This was so that they could form debate forums and chinwag about drugs (sex & rock'n'roll might happen to be mentioned, no doubt) Anyway, sounds a good wheeze. It's changed a bit from my day. We were lucky to get ten bob and were told to bugger off out but to stay away from the Victory Café, which is, of course where we went.

Road works are happening all over the place. In San Sebastian, just up from Santa Cruz, the road works seem to be completed. Let's say that they've finished digging, laying and filling the sewage pipeline from the new development on the left, down to the old municipal laundry sinks and fountain at the top of the hill. Of course, they haven't resurfaced the effected area of the road surface, but God and town planning willing, they will. The main thing is that the temporary traffic lights have disappeared.

Otivar is no longer round the bend, because the bends are disappearing. The worst of the bends just before reaching Otivar has already disappeared, along with a good slice of hillside. This particular bend was dangerous because apart from being very tight, it was also steep. If you were unlucky enough to encounter an articulated fruit lorry there, you were faced with the choice of winding down your window and swallowing it whole or bumping off down into the river below. This road straightening comes about because any road that connects with a motorway must have minimum specifications, such as width, for example. Anyway, Otivar used to be 'a three day camel trek and a pack lunch', but it now takes only 20 minutes to get there from the coast.

The Taramay tunnel is now fully illuminated. Too much so, perhaps because the fifty spotlights that hang from the roof of this short tunnel, provide a dazzling corridor of light that quite wipes out a driver's night vision. Anyway it's better than it was and as long as I'm not passed the electricity bill, it can stay that way.

Franci from the Choco is back with us after two years in the North of Spain. He left at the end of January, back in 2001 and went to Donosti in Guipúzcua (San Sebastian) in search of work. Why there? Well, because he met Ana, a pretty Basque lass, who was on holiday in Almuñécar. They fell in love and he decided that she was worth uprooting his life for and following up to the frozen North. He took on any job available - everything from working on the roads to bricklaying. He says that the Basques treated him very well and he made many friends there. By the end of the year he was a proud 34-year-old father to little Jurena. Yet, by the summer of 2002 he was missing this sun-blessed land, the Andalucian sense of humour, the laid-back pace and the tapas - eating them that is, not serving them! You can hardly blame him. Who hasn't started to hanker for Spain after a few weeks back in Blighty? Well, Franci is back behind the bar in Almunecar's unique bar, El Choco. He told the Seaside Gazette that he was virtually born under the bar there. Welcome back Franci and family!

People were beginning to ask why the top entrance to La Punta de la Mona was starting to look like it had a First World War trench running down the middle of it. The installation of the water mains finished, at least as far down as the old bowling alley, in late November, so why haven't they resurfaced the road again? The reason is a logical one; they are waiting to see if any section has a leak. It would be senseless and a complete waste of money to have immediately resurfaced the road, only to have to dig it back up again. However on our last trip to the Punta we saw that resurfacing work had already begun.

Ramón, the undisputed Barbeque King on Herradura Beach, has come up with a new selection of home made starter dishes that are a meal in themselves. They include fresh Bonito (finest tuna) in an onion marinade and duck pâté "Chef's style" - just two delicacies amongs many. People, instead of ordering three courses have been asking for a table full of his excellent starters. If you're in any doubt what to try, why not ask Ramon. He is never happier than when customers leave the choice to him. So far, to our knowledge, he hasn't got it wrong yet.

Sam Yard-Young won Luciano's Christmas Basket. Father Simon, a regular at Luciano's for the last twelve years, had a happy fridge this Christmas because the basket contained a leg of serrano ham, salchichon, chorizo Iberico, goats cheese, whisky, rum, chocolate and God knows what else. Pity there was no beer in it.

Dave and Graham at La Herradura Property Management threw an office party just before Christmas. Many clients and friends were present, as well as their lovely wives, Gaynor and Helen, of course. Helen is our new computer columnist, bringing with her a fresh, professional style and approach.

Have you ever heard of a magician called Anthony Blake? He's well known out here, more so after 'guessing' the number of the National Christmas Lottery, better known as El Gordo (The Big One). He prefers to be known as a 'mentalist' rather than a magician and although his name is English, he speaks Spanish like a Spaniard and looks as English as the Gazette's new editor. So, what was the trick? He is the first to admit that 'everything is a product of your imagination', but how he could have pulled it off was very, very clever - and risky. He commented afterwards with a sigh relief, "I had to get it right. If I had guessed wrong, I would have made such a fool of myself that I would have had to abandon Spain."

On the 16th of December Blake wrote on the first page of one of his books, the number that would be drawn on the 22nd, the day of the Grand Lottery. It was placed in a chest and left in the middle of a large department store in Madrid and left in the care of a security firm to be guarded 24 hours a day. Blake retained the three keys necessary to be able to open the chest. But that was not the only security measure taken; the chest was also on shown on Internet 24/7, as well. On the morning of the 22nd it was transferred to the Antena 3 studios, where it remained in full view of the studio audience whilst the numbers were being drawn. Moments after that the winning number, 08103, was known, the chest was opened and hey presto! As one member of the studio audience commented dryly, "If he had really known the number before hand, why hadn't he bought one?" Why indeed, because the first prize was worth 24 million pounds. One thing is for sure, Anthony Blake is now the most famous magician or 'mentalist' in Spain.

A British film crew from Granada TV was filming on various locations in our area for the TV series, 'Eye Witness'.We caught up with them in Chiringuito Bambú on La Herradura beach last month. Despite the rain, the film crew managed to produce a sun blasted interior scene thanks to the lighting crew. Manolo, bemused and with una copa in his hand, watched as they set up a mini rail for the camera around the dining area. His expression said, "They're mad, but they're paying". This particular episode was about Kenneth Noyce. Everybody has heard of the incident in which he brutally killed a plainclothes policeman in his garden after the police had staked out his house because they suspected him of having taken part in a bullion robbery. Incredibly he was aquitted. However, years later, he was involved in road-rage killing and fled to Spain only to be extradited, hence Manolo's profitable invasion.

Joaquín strives on. The Asociación Solidaria Amigos de Baracoa, Cuba, thanks to the help of Juan Carlos Benavides, Councillor for Radio/Televisión de Andalucía, can now count on a hefty government grant of 3 to 4 million pesetas (18 to 24 thousand euro). Joaquín can been seen in the photo with María de la Luz who is the Directora General de Cooperación y Desarollo. She is a PA councillor for Relaciones Institucionales de la Junta de Andalucía. The other two gentlemen present are Juan Ortega, who is also a PA councillor for the same department and Juan Antonio Barbero, the local PA councillor. Joaquín once again reminds us that all items donated, (everything from socks to sofas) should be handed in (Chambao de Joaquín, La Herradura) by the 20th of January, otherwise they will literally miss the boat. Don't forget, either the monster paella in the Majuelo Park on Saturday 18th and Sunday 19th of January. This event is to collect funds for medicines, food, clothes and school material, etc. If you haven't yet seen a paella dish big enough to wade across, then don't miss it!

Mari Vi must be a proud mother because her son, Javier has just graduated as an aeronautical engineer - one of the hardest university careers. Let's hope he's off to a flying start in life. Enhorabuena, Javi.

Tourism here on the coast seems to be weathering the crisis that is hitting the country nation-wide. In fact, the year closed only 3% below the 2001 figures. Panic began when the hoped for tourist wave at the beginning of July still didn't materialize. Fortunately, the second fortnight saw its arrival. In fact, the autumn months have been productive compared with previous years, which is a sign that the holiday habits of the population are changing. Because tourists from abroad are mostly English and Belgian, many feel that new markets should be explored in the hope of attracting more Germans and Scandinavians. Juan Luis Gonzalez, the Mayor of Almuñécar, points out that German tourism is dominated by the huge companies like Tui-Neckerman, who will not promote La Herradura and Almuñécar until the motorway reaches them and that there at least another thousand hotel beds available. He says that in the next two or three years these conditions will be met, thanks to the progress of the motorway construction and the hotels projected or already in construction.

Well, the town hall has finally decided what they are going to build on the plot above the municipal underground car park, right behind the town hall. Better said, they've finally accepted a design, because they and everybody else knew that it was going to be a square. A lot of time and thought has gone into the project so that it would 'harmonize' with its surroundings. It should prove to be very pleasant, with its walkways, Parisian wrought iron lampposts and wooden benches. The costs of what is strictly the park - that's to say, without the surrounding building and business premises, will be 421,686 euros (approx. 281,124 pounds, give or take the price of a packet of fags at Blighty prices). They will also be looking into the possibility of a second exit/entrance for the underground car park, but don't hold your breath folks.

Nerja, along with the rest of the province, will be receiving broad band Internet coverage by March, this year. Up till now, only the capital and the western end of the province enjoyed the ADSL and RDSI facilities, but from now on, Nerja will come into the warmth of the Internet Century. This is thanks to a deal struck between the Diputación Provincial and Telefónica, the state Telephone Company. The only Hicksville outposts that still won't be able to enjoy this, will be Benadalid, Benalauría, Cartajima, Gaucín, Igualeja and Macharaviaya, but even these far-flung outposts will be connected by July. In other words, folks 56, townships (96%) will be able to navigate at a speed of 2Mbps, the rest will be using RDSI with a 128Kbps until a second deal is struck with Telefónica. However, there will be places like El Valle de Genial and La Axarquia where there are many houses out in the sticks where the Telephone Company won't even install a telephone due to the inaccessibility of these dwellings. What we forget when we talk of connecting up the villages of the provinces is that in some, 80% of the population is over 65-years-old; in other words 95% of the inhabitants laugh when you mention the Internet.

Back to parking-- or the lack of it. All hell should break loose this coming summer, because in order to build the new underground car park, we can kiss goodbye to the parking area behind Saborita y Bolivar. Normally, on a good day, you can squeeze 150 cars in, but for the duration of the construction of the new subterranean car park - approx. 12 months, you can forget it. It's a question of, 'cruel to be kind'. After all, you are getting a new car park! Calle Pintada, on the other hand, will look nice but slimmer, meaning of course, less parking space. At the moment they are laying new sewage pipes, but when they've finished (around April 2003), there will only be single line parking. There will eventually be no parking unless it's for deliveries!

Nerja's first tapa festival might not happen in our lifetime, if it has to rely on the enthusiasm shown by local bars and restaurants. The original plan was to stage the savoury event before Christmas, so a meeting was arranged for all those interested. Unfortunately, only a couple of people turned up - and they were probably lost and looking for somewhere else, anyway. The truth is that you can set up a Feria de Tapas Típicas de la Zona anywhere in the Province of Granada and you will have flocks of people, (foreigners and Spaniards) turning up with expectant faces and doggy bags. Why? Because people there, are accustomed to free tapas in any bar. Most people who venture over from Granada, watch the barman warily when they ask for a beer, to make sure that they don't get a tapa foisted on them that they end up having to pay for. It's not (only) because they are tight; it's because being charged for a tapa is like being charged for the use of an ashtray, to their mind.

The Guardia Civil intercepted thirty-nine illegal immigrants. They first picked up 6 immigrants on foot, not more than four kilometres from Maro beach, where they had landed. Moments later, still in the early hours of a Sunday, they intercepted a boat just off the beach, again in Maro, with thirty-three people on board. The boat with the hapless passengers was then towed to Caleta de Velez port.

Post offices in the rest of Spain must be total bedlam, because if Nerja's post office is the most efficient in Spain, then you can imagine the rest! A team of inspectors (sun glasses and white sticks, obviously) came up with this startling revelation. One thing is for sure; they didn't post their finding from Nerja, because if they had, the results still wouldn't be known.

The new coastal highway continues to eat its way along the coast like a huge tarmac maggot - fortunately for motorists. Now comes the most expensive part of the project. For those of you who have been out here for some time and who remember the old main road - not the present one - you will recall that the last stretch of the actual main road to be completed was the part between La Herradura and Salobreña. It is a topographical nightmare and the only way to cross it, is to build tunnels and bridges - much like driving down the northwestern coast of Italy. At present, they are at work on the first of many bridges, causing concern to some. Residents of Maro club are/were worried about their car park, for example, which is hardly surprising, really because nobody in the 'know' seemed to 'know' what course the motorway is actually taking. Images of quaking house owners standing with their backs to their cherished rose bushes, eyeing warily packs of prowling bulldozers, drooling earth and garden gnomes, come to mind. Noise pollution won't be a problem - if you're deaf and like sitting on things that vibrate. And if your dream retirement retreat does enjoy the sublime shade of a motorway bridge, then you can always claim that it also enjoys excellent communication with existing road systems, when you try to sell it.

The first two roundabouts leading into Nerja from the East have now been planted with banana trees, palm trees and even the odd Chilean pine (Monkey Puzzle). For those of you who remember just what a nightmare the main drag was with its battery of traffic lights that never seemed to be of accord, this is a tarmacked paradise by comparison. Another thing that becomes immediately obvious, is that despite the coming months of parking chaos, the town planners have left plenty of room around the new developments of the town for parking. Almuñécar should take note, although, looking at the P4 zone, you can't help thinking that it's too late.