The Mothers have gone and done it!

The traffic at the main entrance to the town of Almuñécar ground to a halt and at one point cut the only coast road between Barcelona and Cádiz. The combination of an articulated fruit lorry which habitually uses this main road junction to load and unload and the stubborn attitude of the mothers who insist on picking up their kids from the Santa Cruz and San Miguel junior schools in their cars turned the junction into a beehive of angry motorists.

Surely the Santa Cruz parents association can organise a rota in which one parent picks up the kids of other parents, thereby reducing the traffic? Surely the municipal police can stop a fruit & veg warehouse from using the principal entrance of a town of 20,000 inhabitants as a loading bay?

We spoke to the mayor, the chief of local police and the head teacher of Santa Cruz.

The Seaside Gazette asked the Almuñécar Chief of Municipal Police why it was that a lorry could park in such a dangerous place with such apparent impunity. He told us that they almost daily report the lorry for parking there and ask the driver to move on. You can be justified in thinking that the local police are quick to tow a car away when it is badly parked, so why can a particular lorry get away with it on a weekly basis. The Chief of police responded that measures are being taken to find an alternative spot for the loading and unloading of the lorries that use this particular warehouse. We pointed out to him that it is not simply a case of obstructing ordered traffic flow but is a danger to road users. He agreed and said that they were doing what they could to resolve the situation.

Who gave permission for the building of the warehouse without it's own loading bay?

The Mayor told us that permission for the opening of a fruit and veg. warehouse was given in 1989 (under a previous town hall administration) without any inspection to verify whether the premises had adequate parking area, etc. Every time the police find a lorry there, they fine it but, of course, there is no way of towing it away. The problem is that it is rarely the same lorry and besides, it would seem that the warehouse owner pays their fines to make it their worthwhile. At one point the town hall made them do their loading and unloading at night but then the neighbours started complaining about the noise, so that was stopped. The only way out is for the warehouse to be moved and that is what is being worked on at the moment. We also asked Juan Luis, the mayor about the traffic problem outside the schools. He pointed out that most schools request that two policemen regulate the traffic at the beginning and end of school hours. The trouble is that there are eleven primary schools in Almuñécar, which means that 22 policemen would be needed to cover that task. Almuñécar doesn't have that many policemen in its ranks.

We spoke with the head teacher of the Santa Cruz Junior School. He told us that the problem is that parking is allowed on both sides of the road, which restricts traffic flow. He says that they requested the presence of a local policeman to regulate traffic flow at the beginning and end of the school day. "The trouble is", he said "that there are only six policemen in the Almuñécar force, which means that if there is an incident that coincides with their duty at the school, they have to leave us to fend for ourselves." The school does not permit parent's cars within the school drive - only the school buses. There is a school bus service that provides transport for the out lying areas of town. The problem is that parents of the younger children prefer to pick their children up themselves, which is natural. A few weeks ago two cars blocked the school exit at end school finishing time, thereby stopping the loaded buses from leaving. The answer in his opinion, if there is one, is to stop parking on both sides of the road and to have police control guaranteed at the two 'rush hours'.

Otivar has made its name known in the huge international tourism fare, FITUR. Thanks to exposure at the fair, there seems every likelihood that Otívar will soon have a rural hotel. Contacts were made almost on a family basis because the President of the Principado de Asturia (the northern coast of Spain) has Otiveña blood in him! - his father was from Otívar. There is no doubt about it, fortunately (or unfortunately) Otívar is about to take off. The Almuñécan stand also attracted the attention of the King of Spain, Don Juan Carlos I. The Mayor of Almuñécar lost no time in awarding him Almuñécar's Golden Avocado Award. The King, who had probably strayed whilst looking round for the toilets, accepted it.

The Partido Andalucista has failed in its attempts to torpedo the PP's municipal architect. This is just part of the ongoing struggle between the present town council and the opposition party. The PA reported the municipal architect to the College of Architects for holding two incompatible posts within the town hall. After a brief examination of the facts, they decided to merely file it.

The firemen of the Almuñecan Fire Service have attended 20 call outs in their first month of existence as a professional, and not amateur, fire service. Of course that covers everything from house fires to cat-up-trees. The task of rescuing a cat stuck up a tree is infrequent because we don't have any real trees but the technique is more efficient - they just throw stones at it until it falls out of the tree unconscious. Nah! I'm just pulling your leg.

Picture the idyllic scene of standing next to your little fishing boat pulled up onto the sand. As you stand there in the shadow of El Santo (the cross on top the rock) contemplating the approaching sunset you turn round to find a gentleman pissing on your boat... Mildly surprised, you point out that you are not one hundred percent in favour of his choice of urinary location. Hardly waiting to stow his tackle, he jumps on top of you and bites the end of your nose off. Unlikely? Wrong, because this happened on the 22nd of July 2000 on San Cristóbal beach, Almuñécar. The case has only just come up and the sentence of two years' imprisonment was handed down along with a fine of 8,000 euro. The boat owner spent three days in hospital and a further month and a half to heal.

Juan Carlos Benavides the spokesman for the Almuñecan PA has called for the immediate resignation of Juan Mora, the vice-mayor. The reason for this is that Sr. Mora voted in the town council meeting concerning the P6 building plan, even though he is an interested party. He owns land there, so does his wife and mother. Sr. Mora, on the other hand, announced that he is quite unworried by the affair and that, "We shall soon see who is telling the truth." The mayor, on the other hand, has informed higher authorities that two members of Juan Carlos Benavides' party have been guilty of the same thing when the PA was in power in the 90's. José Antonio Barbero and Manuel Novo Guerrero both voted in a council meeting dealing with the reassessment of greenbelt land to building land status, even though both councillors have family ties with the landowners concerned. It would appear that a truce among politicians covering this sort of extra-salary kickbacks has been broken by the PA. If this rug-pulling escalates then it won't be long before it becomes obvious that the foundations of the town hall are sitting on this particular rug.

The Mayor, because of the bad publicity that the town has been receiving in local and national press, has called for an enquiry into the whole affair. The Mayor will preside and each political party will provide one member for the investigation committee. The findings, depending on their gravity, will be reported to the regional courts or dealt with locally using administrative sanctions.

Streets and roads around town are being repaired, by a strange coincidence, just before local elections. However, the stretch of old road that leads off the main road and goes past the Butano yard on its way around the hillside and back down to the main road again, has a road surface similar to the Basra - Baghdad road in the summer of 1991. This road is one of the two access-points for the Punta de la Mona. This was pointed out to the Mayor in an interview conceded by him to The Seaside Gazette. Let's see if this will have any effect, seeing as his party is very keen on attracting the foreigners' vote.

If the Socialists are successful in the coming local elections then Almuñécar will have its first mayoress. Rosa Palacios' nomination as the PSOE candidate for the mayoralty has provoked a sigh of relief from the party because of the vacuum left by the previous socialist mayor, Antonio Rebollo. Antonio, who is highly regarded among the socialist ranks, has been expelled by the provincial socialist headquarter for forming a coalition with the PP to oust the PA. Of course, his bosses were over the moon by the coalition but couldn't admit as much for the sake of national political strategy. No doubt somewhere along the line he will be allowed to come from the political cold and be recompensed for his personal sacrifice.

Following on from the success enjoyed at the FITUR fair in Madrid, the Almuñecan Tourist Board will be exhibiting the impressive Almuñécar stand this month at the world tourism fairs in Berlin on the 7th to the 11th, Brussels from 13th to the 17th and Goterberg (Sweden) from the 20th to the 24th. Nobody can accuse them of sitting on their arses and doing nothing. You might like to ask whether some funds are being squandered but then again have you ever heard of a government or institutional body that does not squander other people's money?

The Almuñécar Tourist Board has brought out a new tourist information package, complete with new brochures covering everything from sports, walks and talks. This new material contains sixteen different brochures etc, which cost around 100,000 euro to produce. There's even a gastronomic guide to the area!

The Politicians are after your vote... again. Strangely enough, it happens every four years. The fact is that there are thousands of us foreigners around and a good helping of them are from EU countries. The town hall receives just under 200 euro per person, per year from the Government for every EU residents here - if they are on the voting list. The fact is that all three main parties (PA; PP & PSOE) have wooed, then immediately ignored the EU residents. One such resident from Belgium was asked by one of the parties to organise the foreign residents by mounting a big fiesta for them. On the big day after a lot of work, he was taken aback because they wouldn't allow his Spanish wife to come to the Europa Party that he had organised. If you want to vote here (180 EU residents did last local elections) then you must be empadronado, in other words, register your name in the municipal census. This does not, in any way, effect your tax status. Summing up, if you would normally bother to vote in your hometown local elections, you can do it here, which in theory brings more money into the town hall to spend on bettering the municipal amenities. From the 15th of March you will be able to phone 958 838612 and be attended by an English speaking member of the town hall staff who will be able to inform you of all the relevant details concerned with your empadronamiento.

The public prosecutor for minors has asked the judge to award ten years imprisonment and five years parole for a man that shot at and then stabbed two South American women whom he had attempted to mug. He was seventeen at the time. Now, two years later at his trial he said that he had been in Almuñécar at the time of the shooting, with his sister. She, however, was unable to corroborate this with any precision.

Last month we mentioned that a man from Almuñécar could face a sentence of 30 years for corruption of minors, amongst other things. M.J.C.S was sentenced to four years and one month (49 months) in prison, thanks to an agreement reached between the public prosecutor and the defence. The accused accepted the decision out of court therefore there was no need for the trial to continue. As the accused has already paid a good part of the compensation demanded by the victims, the sentenced has been further reduced to 21 months in prison. It is amazing how 30 years can be reduced to 21 months and a pay out, so much so that you are left with the impression that neither the victims' nor the defendant's lawyers were too concerned about the veracity of facts recounted by the parties involved, nor for their motivations.

Despite, or perhaps because of, all the muck being thrown around concerning Juan Mora's moral integrity, he was re-elected unanimously by the Partido por la Independencia de La Herradura (PILH) as President of the party. In the meeting 132 of the 150 members of the party took part. Victoria de Haro Barbero was elected as Secretary - a post left vacant by the expulsion of Evaristo González.

The Petanca Demons have now got their very own toilets, which means that they don't have to burst into bars when the excitement of a match gets the better of them. What is petanca? It's a cross between bowls and marbles. The French and Belgians can always be seen at it (petanca!) on San Cristóbal Beach, Calle Guadix, next to the Azucarera building. The installations were built six years ago, but only now can they count on their very own toilets, thanks to the town hall. The Club Internacional de Petanca de Almuñécar has seventy members, twenty of which are Federation players. They still dream of bigger installations so that they can mount an international tournament. Soon, it's going to get dangerous to walk around that area because it's going to seem like the Battle of Trafalgar, with all those iron balls whistling through the air.

Quite a few people have visited the Eco-bodega last month and come away with organic goods and a good impression. Don't forget to pop by next time you're fighting for your life in the municipal market!

Do you live in a cortijo up above Almuñécar and depend on a dirt track for access? Well, best you let the Mayor know that you're quite happy with the work of Rafael Aragón Padilla, who is charged with the maintenance of the Almuñécar's rural tracks. Certain people have been complaining that Rafael has not been doing his job properly and consequently he is in danger of losing his concession from the town hall. Some say that wicked tongues from the PP camp have been sticking the boot in so that the contract can be awarded to another. Whatever the case, if you're happy with your track, make it known to the town hall.

A retired couple from the UK was fleeced by well-dressed snatch and run merchants at the entrance to the Consum supermarket in Almuñécar. Two men and a woman approached the couple and while one of the gang distracted the husband with an enquiry as to where the medical clinic was, the other two made off with the handbag containing all their money, passports and other documents. The wife said that they had £2,000 stolen. To add insult to injury, when they reported the theft to the municipal police, the only response they allegedly received from the six policemen who were sitting around drinking coffee was that it was a Guardia Civil affair and that they should report it to them. The fact that the Guardia Civil post is at the other end of town and therefore is a hell of a walk for a retired person seemed to escape the municipal policeman. It was the opinion of the couple that the least they could have done was offer to run them up there in one of the parked police cars outside the police station. The Seaside Gazette asked the Almuñécar Chief of Local Police about this incident. He told us that he distinctly remembers that he sent one patrol car out in search of the culprits and another to take the said couple up to the Civil Guard post, which contradicts the statement made by the retired couple to the Seaside Gazette. We asked him then whether it is the policy of the municipal police to provide transport for elderly people under such circumstances and he replied that they would provide transport not only for elderly people, but for anybody that had difficulties with the language, for example. We at the Seaside Gazette would be pleased to hear from anybody that has had a similar experience and can confirm this practice one way or the other. In the interview that the Mayor conceded to the Seaside Gazette, he supported the local police's version of the event. The Mayor told us that he has given strict instructions to help people in such distressing circumstances. One thing is for sure, After the interest shown by this magazine, the police are going to be on their toes, for a while at least.

Vicky - the dusky damsel that is guaranteed to make at least your eyes travel at the travel agency, Sur Way in Almuñécar - has been delegated by the French company Sud Inter to organise the Andalusian Cruise project which will operating from the 16th of March. The cruise ship will make the weekly cruise leaving alternatively from Málaga Port, passing through Motril, Gibraltar; Cádiz and Sevilla ports and the following week in reverse order. But it's not just ports that you will be seeing. From Málaga there will be excursions to Ronda; from Motril excursions to Granada; From Cádiz excursions to Jerez and from Sevilla excursions to Córdoba. Not bad, eh? The prices range from 399 euro per person for an interior double cabin to 956 euro for a luxury cabin. There is also an extra charge of 233 euro to cover the excursions. These cruises will continue until 5th May and will begin again on the 25th of October. The cruise ship in question sails under a Luxembourg flag and has a length of 88.2mts. It has a capacity for 180 passengers. It has a three-star category.

Antonio at the Restaurante Almazara of Almuñécar will be doing a degustación (tasting/sampling menu) during the month of March. There will also be gentle live music to aid your digestion. Antonio is our wine columnist, and as wine columnist go, his descriptions are intelligible to a layman and relatively easy to translate. He also explains a little about its history and area. Don't forget, the wine of the month is available by the glass at his restaurant, should you wish to try some for yourself.

The Computer Users Group of Almuñécar is holding its annual Art Competition on March the 31st and April the 1st in the Casa de Cultura. The competition is open to everyone and includes a children's category. Closing date is March 21st. Entries can be viewed on computer at Cyb@rsol prior to the exhibition of prints at the Casa de Cultura. Details are available from Marc at Cyb@rsol, Paseo de Altillo 4/5, Almuñécar. Email marc@wolf-art.de. Well over one hundred entries are expected, so why not add to the number or just come along to view.

Sharon will be doing her annual St Paddy's night at El Chupito's in Almuñécar, which will take up most of the day, as well! The celebration begins at 12 noon and will continue until late - very late! Revellers will be able to count on Irish music, genuine Irish Stew, green beer and Guinness, of course! There will also be Shenanigans - whatever that is? Anyway, you're in good company with sweet Sharon, but we doubt that you will remember any of it the next day - you wicked piss heads, and may Saint Patrick, Himself, have mercy on you blaspheming souls!

Don't forget that Juan at the Missisippi Irish bar will also be celebrating Saint Paddy's day in staggering distance of Chupito's and with plenty of hats to hand round.

Adhara has been operating for seven years now. By the way, the name comes from the name of a star. What started out as an Almuñécar home care service now covers all the Costa Grandina. Javier, the manager of the Almuñécar branch tells us that they have 13 auxiliary workers working for them. Adhara basically is a town hall sponsored and private service for those that have mobility problems, namely the aged and the infirm. They provide help for personal hygiene, company, medicine control and meal management. They also run workshops for pensioners mostly. Finally, they also rent out or sell medical accessories such as wheelchairs, crutches, etc. Call 958 63 37 50 for more information.

Is that a Nordic Pine or a Mediterranean Pine? Neither, it's a television booster mast. It looks quite authentic, at least from a distance and sitting up there on Cerro Gordo, it provides Canal Sur television coverage for La Herradura. Some people, who are doomed to be forever unhappy, have raised an eyebrow and said, "Oh dear, it looks more like a Nordic Pine - it just doesn't look right." What! They've gone to the bother of making an artificial tree to contain what would have been an ugly t.v. mast and yet some people go sniffing round it like incontinent dogs muttering, "Nordic, I'm sure". The next accusation was that the squirrels would eat it, "They just love p.v.c. and that sort of thing, you know. They're for ever eating our watering hoses!" Fine! Well that goes to prove that the Squirrels aren't bothered if it's Nordic - "My God! It's Nordic! You won't catch me up there, even if it does taste of watering hoses. What would the neighbouring squirrels think?" Now, can anybody tell me, why on Earth the Australians should want to call us Whinging Poms?

The parents association of the Gaviotas junior school is hopping mad because somewhere, an obnoxious clerk has buried a very important piece of paper at the bottom of his/her pending tray. The parents association has given the town hall and the Education Board 20 days to find it and give it a pass of approval otherwise radioactive parents will be out growling in the streets. The twenty days will be up before this paper hits the streets. What is this piece of paper for? It's the go-ahead that the school has been waiting for, for the last six years which will permit the new school building to be built. At the moment the classrooms are housed in three different building - one of them is a kilometre's distance from the others. The parents of the school are not ones to sit about and do nothing to better the education of their kids. They've contributed 50% of the 3,320 euro costs for equipping a computer classroom, from their own pockets. If you consider that there are only 350 kids at that school, then you get a better idea of their interest in their children's education.

Find the paper, stamp the bloody thing and stop wasting everybody's time, for the love of God! Otherwise the school kids in question will be parents themselves before the school is finished.

Juan Mora, deputy Mayor of La Herradura and Chairman of PILH, has admitted that his wife owns 120sqm of land within the 180,000sqm P6 building plan which was reassessed as prime building land by a commission to which he belongs. He said in his defence that the land had belonged to his mother and that she had passed it on to him and that he had then given it to his wife. Very generous, Juan, but it wouldn't have anything to do with the land not appearing under your name, would it? However, the accusations of corruption coming from the PA are a flagrant case of the pot calling the kettle black. According to a recent article in the weekly magazine, Época, Almuñécar is only the 'tip of the iceberg' of the Partido Andalucista's Olympic corruption scandal. Strangely enough ,it is Juan Luis González, a PP man, who wants to stop all this mud slinging, and not for party reasons, because the PP isn't tainted by these scandals - but for the sake of the image of Almuñécar and La Herradura, of which he is the mayor. Their image is being dragged through the mud for political reasons by the very people who should be providing promotion for both towns, which is something that the mayor is determined to stamp out.

The Autovia cometh. Apart from the signs which have been erected at the foot of Urb. San Antonio, La Herradura was subjected to its first visible show of force last month when the house at the top of the Urb. was bulldozed to the ground to make way for the forthcoming motorway. Opinions on this subject are varying but spare a thought for the elderly lady whose home has been leveled with still no sign of compensation on the horizon. Add to this the fact that her husband of 60 years passed away in November and that all one can do is deeply sympathize and consider how cruel this world can be at times.

A couple of likely individuals entered the Clipper bar in the early hours one night and proceeded to make off with Rafa's finest whiskey and a haul of cigarettes. Police are said to be looking for a chain smoker who is walking around in a drunken stupor. Which means they would like to interview half the population of La Herradura.

It's all happening in Acera del Pilar this month. A new vet, a new clothes shop, Menape are opening a new paint and tile outlet and Gaynor the hairdresser has Dawn on board, who will specialize in nail extensions, manicures and polishing etc.

Congratulations to Mike and Eve of San Antonio who became grandparents last month due to the birth of Louis.

Bar Tamesis, formerly El Bar de Carlos, and Meson Buena, at the back of Banco de Andalucia offer a menu del dia for 6 euros. A choice of 3 starters, 3 main courses and postre is indeed unbeatable value.

Yes it is true; we will witness the opening of La Herradura's first Chinese restaurant in the first week of March. The restaurant to be named Golden Sun is situated in the premises previously occupied by Antonio and Evelyn, who hope to be taking things a little easier this summer. Also rumour has it that Restaurant Mirador on Cerro Gordo could be re-opening in time for summer, so watch this space for more info.

February 15th was anti-war protest day in all major cities and towns across the world and La Herradura was not to be outdone. Our die-hard locals turned out in their thousands.

The road from the beach to Las Palomas becomes increasingly worse as the weeks go by. This fact has been acknowledged by the authorities who kindly erected a sign stating Carretera Peligrosa although in the meantime the good people of Las Palomas, Tropicana and beyond are desperately seeking a good mechanic to befriend.

Our publisher, Georg, bumped into Davor, who was having lunch with his wife Serena and friends in the Parilla. They hadn't seen each other since before Davor's accident but he immediately recognized him and spoke to him in German, which is an indication in itself of the enormous progress that Davor is making despite earlier fears.

On the 19th of February an earth tremor that registered 4.8 on the Richter scale was felt in Nerja at 14.09. Most people didn't even feel it, because it's epicentre was in the Mar de Alborán halfway between the Moroccan and Spanish coasts. It's a good job that it wasn't something over 7 on the Richter scale because we would all be surfing up in the mountains. Fortunately our particular tectonic plate behaves itself and gives a regular nudge every now and again instead of converting all our apartment blocks in bungalows in questions of seconds. Just to give you an idea, Andalusía experienced 1,470 seismic shocks during 2002.

The Mayor of Nerja announced on the 19th of February that work has begun on a project to build a pavement/promenade from Maro through Nerja to Torrox. The path will be two metres wide and almost six kilometres long. It will be illuminated by street lamps and trees will provide shade during the day. The company that will carry out the works is Necso. The first visible parts of the project are the three roundabouts in Avenida de Pescia. A fourth roundabout is about to be started at the entrance to the Urbanización Capistrano. I think that both the reader and I deserve a big hand for getting to the end of this article - what masochists!

The town hall is also setting up a nursery for fledgling businesses. Eh? They are going to build a large warehouse, covering some 400sqm and costing some 65,000 euro, and let it to new business formed by young people, to help them get on their feet before getting thrown out into the big wide world of business. It is as Antonio Villasclaras, councillor for the Inland Revenue, pointed out. The biggest headache for young people that are starting their own business for the first time is the costs of renting a premises and fitting it out. Good move! 10 out of 10.

The aunt, the mother-in-law and other family members of Rocío Aguilera Diaz, who is serving time in prison, had a meeting with the Mayor to ask him to request a pardon for her from the Government. 23-year-old Rocio, who is two years into her seven year sentence for robbery, is the mother of two young children - a two-year old and a five-year old. If the proposal is passed by all the political parties in the next town hall meeting, then the request will be presented to the central government. Mind you, with the speed that the Government works, she will have served her complete sentence before they come to a decision, anyway.

Frigiliana goes 'rocket science' with its municipal water supply. It wasn't that long ago that the water town water supply was so erratic that if you opened the water tap it sucked all the air out of the room - now they've installed a 'you-can't-bend-it, glows-in-the-dark, sod off computer to regulate the water supply! Yes, but can you buy any decent tea anywhere in town? No? Well, what's the point of having water in your house, then?

Futuro SUP-09 is a lump of land - you could be forgiven for thinking that it was a suppository. Futuro SUP-09 is situated to the east of the vega (plantation), in the southern zone of Castillo Alto (Cerros Rivas and el Ingenio) and will be the site of the combined Guardia Civil, local police and Fire service buildings. If you're still not sure where this area is, it is between the access roundabout for Nerja off the dual carriageway, the new petrol station and the Río Chillar dry riverbed. Got it? No, well I haven't a clue either, but then again, I don't live in Nerja.

Robert Barker has been chosen as Nerja's oldest resident. Mr Barker is 93 years old. To celebrate the fact and to encourage other foreigners to enter their names on the Nerja Foreign Residents List (empadronarse), the town hall has organised a fiesta to pay homage to Mr Barker on the 2nd of March. The Scandinavian group 'Lost Fjords' and the Spanish groups Totto and Ole will provide musical entertainment. The group Cantinela and the Hispano-Nordic association choir will also take part. There will even be Arabic and Scottish dancers. Even the Pensioners Choir will join in! Finally, the American continent will make a contribution with an exhibition of Latino & salsa dances and North American & Argentinean dances. We'd be surprised if John revolting and Olivia Nuetron-Bomb didn't turn up, as well!

You don't have to dig very deep to find Spanish Nerja. It's still there despite its cosmopolitan veneer. Right next to the entrance to the municipal car park there is a bar called La Piscina. The clients are Spanish, the atmosphere is Spanish and the owner is Spanish. A caña costs 90 cents and the tapas are seemingly free, as they are over on the Granada side. If you want to eat, you can fully expect to be served lunch at Spanish lunchtime. The walls are covered with Nerja in the sixties and modern photos taken from the same spot and angle so that you can compare. Our Ed. came out of the bar and asked the municipal policeman whether his bike (the Ed's one) was OK where it was. The policeman responded with a Nelson classic, "Bike - I see no bike." With his faith restored, he bumped into a little old lady pushing a pushchair containing a butano bottle. She was having trouble getting the buggy up onto the pavement. The Ed helped her negotiate the kerb and couldn't resist asking, "Is it a boy or a girl?" Grateful for the help offered she bothered to reply, "A boy, I suppose, because it's always hungry." He dutifully put the empty bottle among the empties pile and carried a full one to the buggy still wearing his crash helmet. Nobody batted an eyelid. The very fact that you can buy butane bottle from a small shop in the middle of the town was something to proclaim from the roof tops back in Almuñécar. For most Almuñécar based expats, Nerja and west along the coast was a necessary evil endured on the way to the Málaga Airport and back, which makes us all such bloody snobs, if we're honest. Nerja is getting its act together and laying the 80's and 90's aside. Expats from the Málaga province are now exploring the Granada hinterland. They've discovered that Otívar is more than, 'That roast chicken place.' Perhaps it's about time that the Granada expats did the same and discovered that Nerja is more than 'Eastenders'.

It looks like Nerja will be getting a new paseo (promenade). The town hall has taken possession of the land above Playa de El Salón with the object of handing it over to the Ministry of the Environment for the Coast, because it is that body that will finance and carry out the work. The paseo will join the Balcón de Europa to the foot path that runs along the Acantilados de los Cangrejos (Crab Cliffs) via calle Tajillo - which is one of the oldest streets in Nerja, going back some five hundred years. This new paseo will be five metres wide and four hundred metres long.

The Cofradías de Semana Santa, the religious brother hoods that finance, maintain and parade the large Semana Santa thrones through the streets - better known as the Vatican Furniture Removal Co. - will soon be having their very own headquarters in Nerja where the thrones can be stored, where their administrative offices will be housed and where they can set up an exposition hall-cum-museum. The town hall has already ceded a building plot of some 365sqms in the Calle Puente Viejo. They have a maximum of two years to begin construction and a maximum of four years within which to finish it, otherwise the plot will revert back to town hall property. So there you have it - the Nerja Semana Santa Brotherhoods, whose very appearance has visiting, lesser informed, coloured people breaking out into a sweat, will be able to mumble their way through the streets to their very own multi-storey parking spot for the modest price of 400,000 euro. Amen.

The Ed. popped into I.E.S. Sierra Almijara, one of Nerja's Secondary Schools, to chat with Jose Manuel, who is one of the English teachers there. The English dept. staff were very friendly and enthusiastic about making the English classes more that just a class room experience. Jose Manuel has been a teacher for eighteen years. Needless to say, it is rare to find a state teacher with enthusiasm for his job after so long. In fact, it's rare to find one alive after such a prolonged experience among the radioactive, stress-producing, hormone-crazed gentle souls that are our modern secondary pupils - bless them. After discovering that the Ed and Jose had common acquaintances, (Martin worked for a while at one of Almuñécar's secondary schools), Jose explained that his departament was close to finishing a project that had cost ten year's work. They had been compiling a book written by the schools past and present pupils entitled, Stories & Legends of Nerja. With a subtitle of 'The universe is made of stories not atoms'. The book will be underwritten by W.H. Smiffs of Nerja. So, just as soon as the book is published and available, we shall be more than happy to give plenty of publicity to this books that will give many foreign residents an insight into the hearts and minds of Nerja's school kids and the town's tales and legends. The Seaside Gazette received another batch of correct answers from the kids there for the February Word Soup. So here's to Sara, Carmen, Irene, María, Marina, Christian and Rosario of ESO3F. Ah, before we forget - the sopa de letras had an error in it because the only way to find MES was by using the root of the word SEMANA, which is not normally valid, but that's out fault, not yours.

We continue to be surprised and pleased by the response that we have from the Nerja area for the Word Soup competition. Because we received such a response from the kids at the Sierra Almijara Seconday School as well, we decided to run a parallel prize, just for Spanish school kids. This does not mean, however, that our normal readers are up against the combined might of Nerja's school population, so keep those correct answers coming in!

Rafael Rivas, the Councillor for Sports at the Nerja town hall has put forward motion for the conversion of the old health centre into a sports youth hostel. The old health centre will pass into municipal hands as soon as the new health centre is built. Sr. Rivas considers that the town needs municipal accommodation for athletes etc because the price of hotels can be prohibitive for visiting sportsmen. He also considers that Nerja is at its primes as far as sporting activities go, thanks to local sports clubs and associations. Talking of sportsmen, Francisco 'Ayo' Ortega has officially been named 'a sporting legend' in Nerja. His prowess as an athlete goes back to 1957 when he won the provincial cross-country competition.

The Caves of Nerja won't be proposed as a candidate to UNESCO to be included among the world's Monuments of Human Heritage thanks to the PSOE and Mixed Groups who voted against such a proposal in the Junta de Andalucía. All the other parties from the PP (conservatives) to the IU (far left socialists) voted in favour. It's useful to remember the PSOE (centre socialist) run the regional government.

The historic centre of Frigiliana is well protected, perhaps too protected. There are lots of registered or protected buildings, in the village centre, in Barribarto, Fuente Vieja, El Ingenio and El Caserio de la Molineta. The trouble is that for any alterations to these house to take place permission has to be obtained from the Provincial Council for Culture, which can take 6 or 7 months - sometimes up to a year. If somebody has a leaky roof, then they have to lump it until a renovation permit is granted. At the moment there are no fewer than 10 alteration permits pending approval. What the town hall wants is that any alterations that do not effect the facade of a protected building passes to a municipal council. It makes sense, of course - let's see if they get their way.