Owing to numerous building irregularities found by the provincial authorities in various construction projects within the Marina del Este (Almuñécar), a judge has declared that the building permissions covering forty flats are illegal.

The buildings concerned are Joya, Ilías, Hala and Abla, which are all part of the Jardines de Adnania project in the Marina. Up till now this has been just an administrative battle between the provincial and municipal authorities, but with the legal authorities taking part, the pressure will force the Town Council to take steps.

When the building irregularities first came to the attention of Granada, they sent a 'request' for work to stop, which Almuñécar ignored. A judge's findings cannot be ignored with impunity.

Let's start off Almuñécar's columns with something negative... I love the smell of napalm in the morning! The opposition parties refused to approve the minority council's budget for 2004. Such is the joy of small town politics. This will mean that they will have to govern with the same amount of money as the 2003 budget provided. Why? Because the PP conservatives and the PSOE socialists can only agree on not agreeing with anything that the ruling PA regionalist party says. And that's not always the case, because the opposition parties often disagree on disagreeing with the Town Council, which is the only time when things get done around here.

One of the few times that everybody agreed to disagree with somebody else, for a change, was when the Town Council unanimously agreed to prohibit camper vans to park along the paseos. Are you listening, Colin? But it's not only along the town's paseos, because neither will they be able to park along any street that connects with the sea front, so there! It will be interesting to see how the local police will deal with it because the camper vans are much too big to tow away and besides, where will they send the fine? The Councillor for Citizen Safety, Danny Barbero, says that it is for health and aesthetic reasons. However, the real reason is that these people turn up and enjoy themselves without spending any money - which is despicable! If God had wanted us to enjoy ourselves without it costing us a penny, he wouldn't have invented mortgages and civil servants... everybody knows that!

The digitalisation of the municipal records is now complete, so now you can peruse them online and cheer yourself up investigating how people were pissed off with the town hall hundreds of years ago too! Have a browse at the Archivo del Catastro between 1591 and 1809, for example. Where do you look on Internet? Not a clue! Never mind, we'll, find out in time for next month's issue.

The Town Council has said that it will spend 554,000 euros on street lighting for the Velilla, San Cristóbal and La Herradura paseos. Well, why didn't you say three articles back that you didn't know what 'paseo' means? A paseo is a promenade, or in the case of Almuñécar, an expanse of pavement equal to a US interstate highway in width, running alongside and an anorexic road, further narrowed down by Lilliputian parking areas. We need wide paseos because for one month of the year thousands of tourists flood along them, towing defecating quadrupeds, vomiting children and disowned digestive gases. The fact that eleven months of the year you can't park or circulate along the town's constricted streets without towing a bowser of Vaseline is irrelevant to local town planning bigwigs, bless them.

I shall now stop being negative. The Town Council has reached an agreement with the University of Granada, in which Almuñécar agrees to pay a monthly grant to Almuñecan students who have decided to study abroad. This unspecified quantity of money will be paid directly to the student and will not effect the general grant that students receive from the State.

A total of 18,000 euros has been spent on providing the town's street cleaners with new rubbish carts. The private cleaning company that has the municipal contract for maintaining our streets free from litter has purchased 25 new rubbish carts, which are basically two 90l rubber dustbins on a metal tubular frame, sat on two bicycle-type wheels. These splendid mechanical contrivances are also armed with two brooms, a dustpan and reflectors. In fact, looking at the photo, you could be forgiven for confusing the assembled might of municipal cleanliness for the Spanish Mechanised Heavy Mortar Battalion. Wait a moment though... 18,000 divided by 25, equals...720 euros per rubbish cart! Nearly £500 per cart! Bloody hell, you could have bought a Mini for that back in the 60's! I just said that I was going to stop being negative - not that I wouldn't be sarcastic….

Semana Santa was very wet. It didn't stop the die-hards from Granada and Madrid from flocking down, braving endless traffic jams, only to sit despondently, morosely observing the empty beaches through misty cafe-bar windows. Financially, it was a disaster because for business owners, the extra cash that Easter brings is a gulp of fresh air after financially holding their breaths through the sterile winter. The expected boost is calculated and taken into account to do up their cafes, bars, restaurants and shops for the hectic summer: a spot of paint, new stock, a new bottle cooler, new terrace tables and chairs. It's an endless cycle of hand-to-mouth economy, eking out meagre savings, which are carefully hidden from the ever-vigilant Inland Revenue buzzards. It doesn't matter what your trade is in town, the whole battle swings on these dogged foot soldiers. The Gazette, for example, depends on advertisers, who depend on tourists... Only those that live here off retirement pensions or well-placed savings can rejoice the diminished number of visitors this Easter. I tell a lie - the farmers were not only immune to, but also jubilant about the rainfall!

The Town Council will take over the managing of the municipal swimming pool from the end of June on, thus bringing to an end a veritable political soap opera of the last three years. Up till now, this spacious indoor swimming pool was 'owned' and therefore run by the regional authorities - the Deputation for Sport, to be precise. The present contract between the Junta de Andalucía and the private company that was awarded the management of the pool comes to an end on the 30th June. The installations were built in February 2001 and the entrance fees were set in April of the same year and were opened to the public for the first time in July. The Mayor has announced that they will maintain the same prices. However, the Regional Government that took control of the pool that November, appointed a private company to manage its running. Since then there has been a running battle between the two authorities over building costs. The bickering having ended, has resulted in all sights now on the construction of a second pool, costing 562,000 euros, which, God, politicians and quick-drying cement willing, will be finished by this October.

The Ecologist group, Ecologistas en Acción, have reported various illegal constructions within the municipality. Their main beef is over the building of a block of flats in the Rio Seco vega, which is nearly finished and seems to have signalled a general invasion of Almuñécar's vegas. What does 'vega' mean? Good question! A 'vega' translates for everything between a plantation and an orchard, and in the case of Almuñécar, refers to the chirimoya plantations behind us, going up the valley. Now you know why Las Vegas is called Las Vegas. What about San Diego = Saint James, Rio Grande = Big River and Santa Fé = the Holy Faith? Anyway, back in downtown Almuñécar... "These are the first steps towards the building up of an area, which should be the symbol of Almuñécar's identity," say Javier Egea, the provincial co-ordinator for the ecologist group. The cursed building is being built next to the Roman aqueduct, on land that is catalogued for special protection. Rio Verde is also under attack, according to this ecologist group. A large area within the vega has been shorn of its trees and the beginning foundations of a building estate has been traced, they say, and this is when that particular zone is categorised as 'Singular Agricultural Landscape,' which means that you cannot even change the crop grown, much less build on it. "For all the high words of local politicians, nobody is doing anything to protect these areas, so it is up to provincial or regional authorities to step in," claimed Sr. Egea.

Otívar had its Níspola Day as planned, despite the fact that due to the very wet spring, there weren't many níspolas to judge. In fact, the Mayor had tried to postpone it until the fruit in the area had ripened sufficiently but the provincial gods in Granada had said, 'Do it on the planned day or lose the funds!' Don't you love bureaucrats? This is the third year that such a show has been hosted in this tiny Rio Verde village. The Golden Níspola was duly awarded to the Chairman of the Provincial Deputation, Antonio Martín Caler - one of the before mentioned deities. Yes, you're right - I haven't explained what a níspola is, have I? A níspola is a fruit - something like a plum. It is one of the three crops grown in this valley: chirimoya, avocados and níspolas. In the case of the chirimoyas, many of the farmers are cutting down the trees because it's a finicky fruit that doesn't travel well. Now that the novelty has worn off, the market price has dropped. The hitherto 'usurped' king of the valley is the avocado: it is a versatile and popular product with consumers and is easy to pick, store and transport. Níspolas, whose recent harvests have been assailed by the dreaded black blemishes, hold a good second place, despite it being a delicate thing to pick.

Sparks flew, yet again, at one of the latest town council meetings. This time it was over the use of municipal televising equipment being used by a private television company. Such was the heat of the row that the PP councillors abandoned the room in protest. The PP had proposed a motion to impede Onda Tropical SA using municipal installations. However, the Mayor produced a document composed by the Corporation Secretary, which stated that such a decision belongs entirely to the Mayor and therefore did not encumber the elected town council. The disgraceful coupe against independent local TV coverage that resulted in Onda Tropical, which belongs to the ruling council party and is therefore far from unbiased, will be reported in next month's issue. The ex-TV announcer for the ousted local television service has agreed to an interview. She has pledged to leave no stone unturned for the truth, as she sees it, to be known.

There was a very good editorial by Ruiz Molinero in the Ideal Newspaper concerning the Paseo del Altillo and Semana Santa. He pointed out the desolation of the terrain and the desperation of the businesses along that part of the seafront - and how for the first time in God knows how many years - the Semana Santa procession couldn't shuffle along the Altillo road, before the stands filled with spectators. He wrote what everybody has been thinking: the tourist had come, seen, sighed and left, making a mental note to look for somewhere else to spend their summer holiday. And it's true. When they get back to their hometowns, they will relate to all that care to listen, what they have seen with their own eyes. Who would deny the supremacy of negative 'word-of-mouth' over optimistic glossy brochures? For all the plans of the Town Council to bring in foreign tourists, Almuñécar is still a Spanish resort - thank God! It is the average Spaniard from Granada, Jaén and Madrid that brave the swollen roads to spend their holidays here, who keep the blood of commerce circulating through Almuñécar's collective body. You can't help feeling that there will be a very painful and elongated elapse between the golden future prophesied by those in command and the stark present. The sad thing is that it could all have been avoided and this summer locals and visitors alike could have enjoyed a shaded stroll along Almuñécar's emblematic Paseo del Altillo.

A theatre group formed by pupils and ex-pupils of Almuñécar's Sexi Antigua High School has won the Festival of High School Plays in Albolote (Granada) The theatre group, which is called simple SKS Theatre Group, takes its name from the historic coins found at Almuñecan archaeological sites. Their winning play, 'Andrómaca Tour' is a shrewd reflection on power and how those that govern us are capable of anything to retain their position. Although the play is set in ancient Greece, the theme is still very much apparent in present times.

The IV Encuentro de Bolilleras de Almuñécar (4th Annual Meeting of Lace Making) will be held on the 30th May in the Majuelo Botantical Park. Around 500 professional and amateur 'bolilleras' from all over Andalucía and other regions are expected to attend.

Nicolás Fernández Fernández from Almuñécar has published an interesting book about the towns history entitled, 'Almuñécar Illustrated 1752-1808.' The book was published by Comares with the collaboration of the Almuñecan Department of Culture. Nicolás took ten years to investigate and write the book, using archive departments all over the country.

The Federation of Rural Women (FEMUR) has sponsored a receptionist course for 16 women from Almuñécar and La Herradura. "We also have Aerobic, handicraft and 'Rociera' choir courses running," says the chairwoman, Nieves Bustos. On the same note, the Councillor for Women in the town hall announced that they have just started IT courses under the name of 'Word & Creatividad.' There was also a chat about domestic accidents given in the Casa de Cultura. (As always, we were informed just a week before the event, long after the April Gazette was out - never mind).

Here's a surprise! According to the Statistics Department of the Regional Government only 38 flats/houses are rented out on the whole of the Costa Granadina! In fact, there is only one house in the whole of Almuñécar that the owner legally declares that it is for rent! In Motril, according to records, there isn't even that - zero flats are let out. It doesn't matter that there are more 'for rent' signs than flower pots on Almuñécar's balconies, nobody tells the Land Registry about it - how strange! It is worth pointing out that many house owners haven't bothered to declare their property as 'rental accommodation' but they do, however, declare their earnings to the nasty taxman. This is more the fruit of recent summer inspections carried out by voracious tax inspectors along the coast, rather than pondered decisions taken on moral grounds. Otivar, where there are few foreigners compared to Almuñécar, but whose percentage of the population is far higher, have 15 houses officially registered as rented accommodation. If you do not register your house in the Land Registry as a property for renting out, it is not illegal - neither is it entirely legal. However, if you are going to do it, you might as well do it right - right?

Almuñécar will see this month the launching of open-university courses for new technologies - mainly IT and language courses. The project goes back to August 2002, when the previous council initiated negotiations with the Andalusian Open University Courses, Fernando de los Ríos. The programme will have its offices in the Centro de Iniciativas de Empresas de Almuñécar. If anybody is interested, contact us and we source further information.

The Town Council has announced that it is privatising the tourist information service. The company that takes on the task, will have to man the main offices and various information kiosks which are distributed around Almuñécar and La Herradura, with people who can speak at least two foreign languages, as well as Spanish. The company will also have to provide tourist information material and answer all requests received via telephone, mail and email. The company will receive 80.001,74 euros annually from the Town Council.

The mountain park Peña Escrita now has a section called, 'Eleventh of March,' to commemorate the victims of the Madrid Train Blasts. 192 trees were planted, each bearing the name of one of the victims that were killed in the attack. The new park is quite extensive, so as to be able to accommodate that many trees. Cypress trees were chosen for the park. Despite a large number of children being present, a sufficiently solemn atmosphere was present during the whole act of the inauguration.

Don't forget that rumour has it that the Gastronomic Fair will be held in the Majuelo park on the 14th, 15th and 16th. Now, we say 'rumour has it' because nobody has bothered to inform us. Last year there were 20 odd stands, all offering the best dishes that are to be found in the village. However, all is not rosy, because inevitably politics has intruded into what should only be a promotional activity. Two years ago, such was the squabbling that both the PP and the PA put on their own gastronimc fair. Some well-known restaurants didn't take part because they didn't want to be seen favouring one party over the other - this year they haven't even been invited!

Other restaurants prefer to offer something special in their own premises to mark the occasion. El Chaleco is one of them. Renaud and Lydia consider that they cannot do justice to their cuisine in an open air stand over a bunsen burner! So, for one euro more than their usual 3-course a là carte menu (in other words 17.95 euros) they offer you a full 5-course gourmet menu from the 12th to the 16th of May. As this is not the first year that they are doing this and that on the previous occasions it was very popular, we recommend that you book your table!

Stop Press: Something's cooking at the La Galeria! We will only tell you that it's got something to do with food and the Titanic... and this one won't sink!

In the Spanish Jottings section of this month's issue we mention that two military vehicles had been hit by trains, on different occasions, trying to cross the lines at crossing points where there are no barriers. The presence of the Spanish Army at these points is part of the increased security programmes introduced after the Madrid Train Blasts, and more recently, the discovery of explosive devices on main railway lines. In one of the vehicles, a Nissan Patrol, was a lad from the village, who is serving with the Jaca Mountain Troops Brigade in Aragón. On previous occasions, negotiating the track at the level crossing had not presented any problem but on the 15th April, they were caught just coming off the track and hit a glancing blow. The trains that use these special tracks are the AVE high-speed trains. Because it happened at night, 19-year-old Rafael Pinto de Haro had trouble finding one of his companions. He had received a wound to his thigh and a cut on the head. "I couldn't find one of them, because in the dark I couldn't see anything," he said. Fortunately, he was the only one of the five occupants who needed a hospital stay and he was released from hospital the next day, to enjoy a few days sick leave with his family. He had been on leave in La Herradura when he received the call to rejoin his unit when the Army adopted this new security measure.

This month has been a month of Romerías, which is a cross between a religious pilgrimage and a piss up in the campo, with plenty of country wine, music and dances. Everybody eats buckets of morcilla (blood sausage), chorizo (spicy sausage), habas en la vaina (broad beans in the pod) and lubricates las chuminadas campestres (fooling about/foolish things) with gallons of vino terreno (home grown wine). Somewhere amongst all this frolicking the Virgen is carted or carried to a shrine and an open air Mass is given. Locally, Jete's Romería del la Virgen de Bodíjar was celebrated and, dear to all Herradureños, la Romería de la Virgen de Fátima del Pago de Guerra, also went off well. In the case of the second, for many of the old folk of the village it was a chance to revisit the tiny hamlet in which they grew up. For the fourth consecutive year, hundreds of Herradureños and Almuñequeros made their way up there. In essence, for all the Catholic trimmings, it is the appendix of a much older pagan spring festival and the worship of country shrines. Somewhere back in time a Virgen was conveniently spotted floating around near an old pagan shrine and hey presto, it became a Christian one. Of course, it's much deeper than, "Oh look, there's the Virgen - let's come up here and get pissed once a year!" There is a lot of genuine religious fervour, especially amongst the old folk, although it is heading the same way as the Northern European Christmas celebrations.

Spring gales have assailed our beaches, providing a spectacular experience for those who braved the Paseo. It seems a lie that around two months ago the sea swallowed, in such a dramatic fashion, a young woman and cut short the life of a diver. What with the news coverage and the amount of eyewitnesses, you would have thought that people would be a little more wary of the perfidious sea. Even as huge rollers came tumbling in, a couple of pissed young girls frolicked, semi-clad, in the surf. They must have been pissed as everybody else was dressed in jumpers because of the temperature and they were in T-shirts and knickers or bikini bottoms - it seemed a bit too spontaneous to have been bikini bottoms. A little further along the beach, a mother watched over her two very young children as they taunted the surf near the pier pillars. People don't seem to realise that the La Herradura beach has a very steep shelving - once you go over that, in heavy surf, you'd be lucky to come out alive and it only takes one wave larger than the rest and a moments distraction for something regrettable to happen. Never mind - what's the point of being an advanced life form, if you don't flirt with extinction?

The La Herradura/Almuñécar rubbish tip is back in the news again, basically because it still exists and is operative. The spokesman for the PP - and it really doesn't matter which party it is, because they take turns at wearing the white Stetsons and the black ones - has thoroughly denounced the governing party's inactivity concerning the sulking rubbish tip. The fact is that it should have become history many years ago and for all the farting around with the change of ruling parties nothing is getting done. Everybody agrees that it is a Third World arrangement that stubbornly exists up in the Pago de Guerra, where you could find everything from a dead horse to a dead fridge, pining away in the summer's heat. The trouble is that the merciless point scoring between parties is carried out at the expense of the villagers. One council starts something good but a change of government stops it when the opposition party comes in. Because it is counter productive for a council's image that something positive should bear fruit from the ousted enemy's efforts, it is stopped dead. That is, until the next elections come up, then it is hurriedly dusted off and served up bearing their own colours - everybody by then having forgotten who the original idea belonged to. You can change the party initials around in endless combinations, because they are all guilty of it - although there is one political party that has it down to a fine art. Why doesn't a local party exists, whose only raison d'être is to foster the well being and functioning of the village - or are we talking 'Hans Christian Andersen' here? It has been more than proven that parties with regional or national loyalties use their electorate as bartering items. Oh dear - now I'm a bloody anarchist. Point me to the nearest bint with the flag, funny cap and a breast hanging out!

Three French men were arrested for attempting to impersonate policemen, as part of a plot to kidnap an Almuñecan businessman. One of them tried to get away by taking a taxi to Granada, but he was stopped and nabbed too. The police later found false police shields, identity cards and an imitation pistol. The incident took place in the Marina del Este on the morning of the 19th. The three men called at the door of a businessman who runs a travel agency in the area. They told his wife, who had answered the door, that they were policemen and that they had a search warrant. She replied that her husband was not at home. The intrepid trio announced that in that case they would return that afternoon. As soon as they had gone, the woman phoned the Guardia Civil, alerted by their very unprofessional behaviour. The Guardia immediately staked out the house from 15.00hrs. At 21.30 the false policemen returned, and upon seeing the businessman through the window, began to threaten him through the glass with the pistol. The Guardia Civil, suitably unimpressed, immediately arrested two of them, whilst the third took flight, discovering how difficult it is to find a taxi when you need one. He managed to find one, mind, and was on his way up to Granada, when it was flagged down.

Meanwhile, the villagers of La Herradura were hanging on the words of our 'enlightened' Councillor for Tourism, who was having a good whinge about the decision from above to give the hotel project, El Fuerte, a swift kick to it's 'Hirsute Harolds.' The Comisión Provincial de Urbanismo has suspended the proposed Town Council's modifications to the hotel plot. Sr. Pavesio - the before mentioned councillor - says the commission's decision was 'lamentable.' The Andalusian hotel company El Fuerte is just itching to begin building a 4-star hotel on a 50,000sqm plot at the western end of La Herradura beach. Some of the plot is registered as building land but a good part of it is registered as agricultural land - hence the problem. Normally, people who build hotels don't have a lot of problems bending the rules:
"Excuse me, but I want to take an area of prime natural beauty and cover it in cement and bricks!
"Are you mad? That is completely out of the question, absolutely illegal and totally irresponsible!"
"It's for a hotel"
"Well, why didn't you say that before!"
I can't help thinking that it would be nice if somebody had the idea of making a 4-star beach, for a change. I mean, what is the point of building yet another 4-star hotel on a 1-star beach?

The village's street lighting is being improved with almost 30 new street lamps going up and as many existing lamp posts being replaced. The first parts to receive the illuminating experience were La Mezquita, the Paseo Andrés Segovia, Camino Real, as well as the Barrio del Espinar and La Cañada.

La Herradura Insiders
Easter festivities were severely hampered by the rains that arrived that week. A major groan from many bar and restaurant owners as would be punters were packing up early, some on the Saturday, and returning home somewhat disappointed.

A rumour is being spread that the remainder of the paseo is to be removed in July. No its not a mis-print July. Can you imagine the forthcoming chaos that will be created if this gossip is true.

The T.V. film crew arrived at the end of April and set up shop on the Paseo at the bottom of Avda Prieto Moreno. Parking was reserved for the lorries and equipment and events naturally attracted a possee of inquisitive onlookers. One funny moment occurred when the cameras began to roll that was the cue for a dozen or so local kids to appear on the beach in the background waving and pulling faces.

The delivery of two new boats to the Marina was a sight to behold. A very long vehicle with the two new craft on board attempted to negotiate the very tight double bend in front of Restaurant Dolce Nature. Diners were asked to move, due to their being no other option, as the vehicle mounted the terrace where their tables were. That done, everyone sat down again. The boats were very quickly removed from the lorry and it promptly returned to attempt the task again during dessert. It must be said that the driver did an excellent job and once the vehicle was on the straight he returned, apologised and downed a quick beer.

Bar El Ancla launched their quiz evenings. The theme was 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's general knowledge with name that tune thrown in. The evening attracted a full house and Curry and poppadums was served.

The Hideaway's new owner Ken decided to close for a week to give the place a spruce up and re-opens on Sunday 2nd May in the evening with complementary wine and tapas for customers. Hotel Fenicios Tryp has re-opened after refurbishment.

Everyone living at the west end of the bay rejoiced just over a year ago when the road up to Las Palomas was resurfaced. No longer did everyone have to dodge the potholes. Wrong. It is breaking up already so beware, especially in the dark, new potholes are about to appear on a daily basis.

Congratulations to Amanda and Adam. The joint celebration of their 40th birthdays was held at Hotel Tartana. The event attracted a full house and dancing went to the early hours followed by some of the more seasoned guests making it to La Cochera but not remembering they were there.

Toscana is now serving English breakfasts at 6,50 euros but the English seem to be changing their taste for bacon and eggs to Churros. The churreria on the front had a queue of seven one morning at Easter, six of them being ex-pats.

Finally, dog walking on the beach has long been a bone of contention, excuse the pun. Most owners are responsible types and take a little bag with them to clear the mess. One such owner had to rush his dog to the vets having found a barbed fishing hook in the dogs throat. The dog has made a full recovery. Maybe its about time we looked at the responsibilities the fishermen have after all that could have been a child.