This year would have seen the 21st edition of the internationally prestigious Certamen de Guitarra Clasica, Andrés Segovia, in its traditional setting of the little La Herradura Church. However, The Archishop of Granada - inexplicably and at the last moment - said that the church would not be available.

Each year, permission to use the church is requested from the Archbishop and it is given - in effect, a perfunctory formality. Yet, a bombshell, in the shape of a written refusal, turned up on the 30th of November. This situation was made public on the 19th December. The organisers announced the cancellation of the event on the 22nd, which involved informing competitors from all over the world. The next day the Archbishop relented, only for the organisers to announce that there could be no going back on the cancellations. What reasons did the Archbishop have?

Andrés Segovia (February 21, 1893 - June 3, 1987) was a Spanish classical guitarist and a Maestro, and is generally considered to be the father of the modern classical guitar movement by most modern scholars.

Many feel that without his efforts the classical guitar would still be considered a lowly bar instrument, played only by peasants. The main problem that he had was that the guitar could not produce enough sound to fill the hall. Over the coming years, Segovia would perfect his technique pushing luthiers to experiment with new woods and designs, that could increase the natural amplification of the guitar.

Working together with luthiers, he helped in the creation of the 'modern' classical guitar, introducing nylon strings, which could produce louder tones.

It was in 1922 that he first discovered La Herradura, thanks to a chance meeting with Francisco Prieto-Moreno, whose name should sound familiar to anybody who lives in Almuñécar or La Herradura. In the mid-sixties Andrés bought a house on La Punta de la Mona, which was then virtually a virgin wooded headland. He and his family spent many happy years there until his death in 1987. Nowadays, the house belongs to the Mortons from New Zealand, who are very keen to work with the organisers of the annual guitar competition to pay homage to the great man and promote the village's Segovia heritage.

It was in 1983, shortly after accepting the title of 'Adopted Son of La Herradura' that the competition was founded. In the same year, the village's seafront promenade was renamed, Paseo Marítimo de Andrés Segovia. Segovia insisted that, as a condition to naming the annual competition after him, only the highest quality of musical ability would be accepted from the competitors. This condition has led to the event being considered one of the world's top classical guitar competitions - a veritable honour for La Herradura.

Thanks to an agreement made between the previous Archbishop of Granada, Antonio Cañizares and the Almuñécar town hall, the San José Church of La Herradura was to become the official venue for the competition, with its ideal acoustics.

So why not now? Why did the current Archbishop of Granada act as he did?

Firstly, according to the Archbishop, this was not a precipitated decision. Juan Martínez, the Episcopal Deputy for the area, said that they have been asking the Almuñécar town hall to find somewhere more suitable for the competition 'for some years.' Therefore, he considers, the town hall has had more than enough time to find somewhere else. He added, "The decision is not the whim of anybody - it corresponds to the fact that in such temples, music should be more appropriate - sacred music." A further question to make is why was the situation not made public until the 19th November, if a written refusal for the use of the church was received by the organisers on 30th November? After all, the Archbishop went back on his original decision, after seeing that it had caused the possible cancellation of the event.

Francisco Javier Martínez, the prelate in question, said that he took his original decision on the grounds that other, more suitable, venues were available. Another question is, why didn't the organisers/townhall tell the Archbishop that they had no other alternative but to cancel, irrevocably, the event before actually doing it, i.e. informing the competitors, etc.?

One thing is for sure, the 2006 edition will not be held in the church - by then, the civic centre will be available, perhaps. Perhaps, the final question to be asked is, why was the Casa de Cultura auditorium not used - acoustically speaking, it is suitable? And if not - why not?

There are always two sides to a story:

The Archbishop could have sent the same 'authoritative and decisive' note immediately after the closure of the previous year's competition, thereby giving sufficient time to find an alternative venue.

The organisers knew several years ago (according to Episcopal Deputy for Granada) that the church authorities were not happy with the continued use of the church for such an event, yet they continued to ignore the problem.

Finally, it will interesting to see what happens to the funds for the 2005 edition, now that it has been cancelled.

Well, this year kicks off with an announcement that there will be a special real-estate fair during Semana Santa (Easter), with the name of I Salón Inmobiliario de Almuñécar y La Herradura. From the 23rd to the 26th of March this fair will try to give impetus to residential tourism in Almuñécar. The Mayor, Juan Carlos Benavides, said at the press conference where the announcement was made that building Almuñécar's building developers and many outside ones contribute to the growth of the town towards a future residential tourism destination. The fair will put on display projects that have already been carried out, as well as those that are on the drawing-boards, for the Easter visitors. The Chairman of the Developers and Builders' Association, Germán Ureña, invites any businesses related with the real-estate sector to participate so that this fair can become a yearly reality. It is foreseen that the fair, which counts on a budget of 72,000 euros, will have around 42 stands on a 1,140sq/mts site. Right, that is the official line - now for some 'not-mentioned facts.' Almuñécar's economy is what is known as a 'brick' one - in other words, the prime generator of wealth is its building trade. Almuñécar is not alone in this, because the whole Spanish economy has been qualified as such. The PGOU (urban development plan) that is operative at the moment was laid down in 1987 and just about every available square metre of land earmarked for development has been used up since then. The elaboration of the new PGOU is far from being completed. A replacement one was drawn up by the previous local council but was 'aborted' after the last local elections when the present council got in. The European Bank and the Bank of Spain have repeatedly warned Spain to control its 'brick economy' because a dangerous financial bubble has been created. Ten years ago, if a person dedicated his entire salary to buy a flat, it took him 3.5 years. In 2004, it would take him 11 years, which only goes to show the grossly inflated and artificial price of housing, compared with relative incomes. Secondly, residential tourism is a term that is used to define visitors that spend their holidays here - not in hotels - but in holiday accommodation, either belonging to them or rented out. So, if the future is hotels, why this emphasis on residential tourism? You can't have your cake and eat it, can you?

The Otívar Fiestas went rockingly well, despite the rain... Yes, as forecasted, it rained leading up to the fiestas and during the first days. There was a huge paella for 800 people, and when you take into account that the total population of the village is a little off 1,000, it meant 'feeding the village.' A village brass band was shipped in from Zubia (next to Granada) for the occasion, so that the dogs would have something to bark at, apart from the rockets. It was always a popular event, because even before Otívar became widely known amongst the foreigners, youths from as far a field as Nerja, Jayena and Ítrabo would turn up to try to dance with the local girls, which would always cause a fight. For the rest of the year, the village lads wouldn't look twice at their local lasses, preferring to ride down to Almuñécar and Motril to get to sniff out the talent there. Of course, they always got into fights with the Motril and Almuñécar boys over it. But hey! This is the whole point of the 'Punch and a Pint Night,' right?

I bet you didn't know that we have one of the world's best painters of underwater landscapes in our midst, did you? Well, I didn't, but I certainly should have because his is family of friends. The works of Antonio Domínguez de Haro were on display at the Sala de Exposiciones, Pablo Picasso in the Casa de Cultura at the beginning of the month. Yes, I know - we didn't inform you, but then again, neither were we informed. Never mind, though, because some of his paintings will be on display at the Mondrian art gallery in c/Alta del Mar during this present month. Antonio began his artistic career back in the 40's, when he was a lad. In those days, he used to simply hold his breath and dive. And there he would hang around on the bottom, marvelling, for a couple of minutes, and then come back up again to sketch what he had seen. There was no such thing as an underwater camera in Almuñécar back in the 40's! Many a time family or friends would think that he had drowned, only for him to burst back up again and race for his sketchpad. Antonio's works can be found all over Europe and in the States.

The Guardia Civil cracked down on a drug selling point up in the Castillo part of town. They pounced on the lad and his girlfriend who had 183 'chinitas' (pellets) of hashish, and another 12 of marijuana, not to mention 800 hard-earned euros. The police had noted that known drug addicts visited a certain house up near the castle, on a regular basis. Just in one day, 100 people 'visited' the house.

Our nice, new, shiny EDAR (sewage treatment plant) is precisely that - shiny, because it still hasn't been put into action. Where do the murky efforts of our digestive systems end up? Yes, you guessed it - in the sea. This is surprising because the plant, which is about a mile up the river from the main-road bridge, was completed just over a year ago. If you ask at the town hall, you'll be surprised to find out that they haven't a clue why - it is a dark secret of the Southern Water Board! But it is not only the sea that is suffering from this delay, because the actual plant is slowly deteriorating from a lack of use. Country vermin, such as rats, have already caused damage to the electric cables, which has had to be repaired. The Mayor pointed out that it must be put in action before Easter, if it is to cope with the 'extra load.' Furthermore, the system needs a run-in period before the Sludgy Summer Surge is upon it! Finally, the authorities are already anxious over the lack of rainfall, which could be the harbinger of drought. This EDAR was conceived precisely to provide suitable irrigation water, which accounts for around 80% of the towns summer water needs, and is therefore indispensable under drought conditions.

The Provincial Commission for the Historic Heritage of Granada has annulled the finding that obligated the town hall to rebuild a beautiful old house that was demolished illegally. The house was the one that was next to the main church and was known locally as la Casa de Revuelto. The Provincial Council for Culture originally fined the Almuñécar town hall 150,000 euros for permitting the demolition of the house, which was a catalogued building, about 18 months ago. Furthermore they were ordered to rebuild the house, respecting both the facade and total volume. The demolition licence was granted by the previous council under Juan Luis González (PP). What has happened, in effect, is what always happens - lots of noise, a cooling off period, and then everybody is forgiven. What this shows is that you can destroy our town's heritage with impunity. No doubt, we shall also see a reprieve for the culprits who destroyed la Pension Marina, and who were similarly fined and ordered to restore the building to its original state.

We are becoming more politically correct by the day. This 'correctness' is leading some to demand that the municipal emblems and flags should have 'racist' details removed - namely, severed Moorish heads. Almuñécar's coat of arms has three swarthy heads bobbing around in the sea, which symbolises the defeat of the Barbary Pirates (long after the initial expulsion of the Moors, their pirates operated from the North African coast, savaging the coastal towns of Andalucía). Most people consider that these adornments are part of the history of any nation, and as such, should not be changed. The regional government of Aragón (Pyrenean Spain) has decided to remove the four severed heads from its coat of arms, which was received with approbation by the local Muslim community there. Yet the head of the Muslim Community of Spain, Karim Viudes,' considers the decision to be 'foolish.' "This responds to the efforts of certain sectors to create stupid controversies," he said, adding, "what needs to be changed is not these symbols but people's mentalities." He concluded, "in any battle, each side recounts its version of what happened, which is what the Christians have done with their coats of arms. We must respect this, because it forms part of History, and therefore, part of the past."

Nobody can accuse 42-year-old Sebastian P.M. of being politically correct - he has just been sentenced to eight years in prison for rape. This man, who worked for a cleaning company in Almuñécar, raped his victim in her own house. She had gone out to use a telephone box to annul a mobile-telephone chip. When she returned home, the rapist pushed his way in as she opened the door. He raped her in her own bedroom. In his defence, he said that she had 'insisted' that he entered and had sex with her. He also has to pay 6,000 euros in compensation to her. Hopefully, he will discover what rape feels like, once he meets his new neighbours in prison.

The association of prevention and help for drug addicts of Almuñécar (APAT) managed to raise 14,000 euros in their charity auction, entitled 'Art for Life.' This was held for the ninth consecutive year in the exhibitions hall of the Casa de la Cultura. Forty artists contributed one or more works for the cause. Amongst them was one donated by Roland, which obtained a selling price of 2,400 euros. There was also a canvas by Bonillo, which fetched 1,600 and another by Antonio Domínguez, the celebrated underwater landscape painter, which raised 1,100 euros.

Despite a ceremonious closure of the town's old rubbish tip, witness by the local press, it still has not been officially taken over by the regional authorities for its neutralisation. On the day that the Mayor asked us to witness the closure, he had a JCB ostentatiously swaggering around with large rocks to block the entrance to the dump... But that was it - it's still sat there pouting in neglected gloom. It still has to be 'sanitised.' Besides, that's where the 'Incredible Slanting Golf Course' has to go. Rubbish, you say! Yes, lots, but true. I asked the Mayor at the time exactly where the course was going and he waved a hand over the dump and the ravine and said, "There! Of course, we'll still have to fill the ravine up and level the dump off, first." I did my best to look credulous, but must have failed dismally because he looked at me pityingly and turned to chat with somebody else. It must be pointed out that the old rubbish dump is as it was left that day, the fault does not belong to the Town Council, but to La Junta de Andalucía. Funny place, that rubbish dump - I remember coming across a dead mule there, once. I was surprised to see him lying upside down at the bottom of the slope, but not as surprised as he was to find himself there, I imagine.

Last month saw the commencement of the new public dental surgery in Almuñécar, which can be found in the Centro Mariote, until such time as the new medical centre is completed. The dental surgery was set up by the regional health authorities (SAS), in collaboration with the Town Council. This dental specialist has been visiting the town's junior schools to 'have a better idea' of infant dental health.

The Mayor announced that three quarters of the rural tracks/lanes that were to be tarmacked have been completed. Said lanes are those around Rescate and Río Seco. Furthermore, he said that the rest would be completed during the course of 2005, in compliance with his electoral pledges. The aim was to have all the main rural lanes that connect out-lying rural settlements within the municipality tarmacked before the current legislature expires. These lanes, for example, connect Cuesta del Marchante via Rescate to Rio Seco. Also included are the lanes serving Gelibra and Los Martínez. The Mayor points out that it is cheaper to keep in good repair metalled lanes, than it is dirt tracks, because of rainfall erosions.

It was enlightening to read a 'Letter to the Editor' sent into Ideal newspaper by the ex-mayor of Almuñécar in the 70's, José A. Bustos Fernández. He had read that the Town Council had announced that it had reached an agreement to pay back 180,000 euros each month to the BCL bank. He pointed out that in his days (Franco's times), if the town hall closed the year with a deficit, the mayor would immediately be dismissed. He was not impressed by the fact that the town corporations had mortgaged most of its income for the next 25 years and that this situation demanded some kind of explanation. He also commented that he had heard that certain building developers were offering Vega farmers between 18,000 and 36,000 euros per 'marjal' (528sq/mts). This, he points out, is a clear indication that the Vega is about to disappear under concrete, although all 'official' indications deny this. Going back to the town hall debt, it would be fair to emphasise that in Sr. Bustos' days, the town - and therefore the town hall - was much smaller. Few people paid taxes in those days and nobody expected to receive any money from the Government. Services were fewer, in conclusion. Having said that, the fact that the Almuñécar Town Hall should employ more staff/workers than any other company in town, is ridiculous. Sr. Bustos is a much respected member of the community who, with very little funds available, carried out most of the present day landmarks: El Peñon (cross on the rocks) and the road that connects Almuñécar to Velilla, to mention just two. The Velilla road used to end just past Las Góndolas, where the sea met the cliffs and the only way to reach Taramay was via the main road. It was also Sr. Bustos who provided us with a photo of the telephone book cover of 1973, which featured the Paseo de Altillo de Almuñécar - we used this in our article on the 1st anniversary of the destruction of the Paseo.

The repairs to the Cotobro's main thoroughfares are being put up tender, with a budget of 163,000 euros. This comes after years of waiting for the road that leads up from the beach garages to the old N-340 to be sorted. At least half a dozen years ago, a good section lost its retaining walls, due to heavy rainfall. Since then, the road has been left even narrower by the 'temporary' brick margin. The Town Council says that it thus intends to restore the road to its previous 'amplitude and safety.'

Good news for TV viewers! The Town Council has announced that it will begin work on three television booster aerials, even though the task really is the responsibility of the Central Government. Three of the worst areas for TV reception - Taramay Rio Verde and Torrecuevas - are to be included. " We have begun the administrative work for the erection of the brick huts that will house the equipment," said the Mayor. The Taramay and Torrecuevas boosters will incorporate both public and private channels, whereas the Rio Verde one will also cater for the emergency services and radio taxis.

Christmas decorations are more impressive this year. This is because the association of local businesses has made its own contribution to funding the Christmas lights, Christmas trees, red pascueros plants and broadcast carol songs. This economical contribution effectively doubled the Christmas decorations budget. Last year, 26,000 euros was spent, whilst this year the figure reached 52,000 euros. The main streets of the pedestrian part of town were lined with Christmas trees, with virtually one at every shop door. There are 225 trees, all in all. Another good point is that all the trees will be collected afterwards and planted up in Parque Peña Escrita. Admittedly, most of them won't survive, but at least some will. On a negative side, though, most of the shopkeepers were going around with long faces because they weren't really getting to sell anything. The general sentiment, as Christmas day approached, was of economical gloom. But that doesn't stop them searching for new ways to knock up business because...

Almuñécar and La Herradura's shops now have their very own credit cards! This is a pioneer move in the province. These credit cards will allow shoppers to make purchases using these cards, just like any other, but without the shopkeeper having to pay hardly any commission to the bank. The system was launched around the middle of last month, when a deal was struck between the Chairman of the Asociación de Centro Comercial de Almuñécar (ACCA) and the Caja Rural. The Mayor thanked this well-known savings bank for its co-operation saying, "This is an important step, although we know that it will not be an easy or short road that we take. But with good results and the strength of working together, we will achieve the benefit of these agreements that we have reached." (Don't worry - he always speaks that way.) You can get hold of these cards, which sport a photo of El Peñon del Santo (the cross on the rocks), from any of the shops in Almuñécar and La Herradura, no matter whether they are members of the ACCA. This, of course, does not include food shops - get real! These credit cards will permit the holder to make purchases of 600 euros, (more if previously authorised). There will be no maintenance costs or charges for card loss. Caja Rural will only charge 0.65%, which is much lower than normal cards. Banks normally charge businesses up to 6% on any credit-card transaction.

Most of the town's pubs were shut down in the run up for Christmas - something that is becoming habitual. The cynical (or enlightened) consider that this is part of the yearly 'blackmail' tactics to fill the town's coffers to pay the Christmas bonus salaries to its workers. The official reason, of course, is different: thirty pubs and bars were found to have irregularities in their day-to-day running and paperwork. Most of them have been fined between 30 and 300 euros for such infractions as exceeding opening hours or the permitted decibel emissions of their musical systems. That this crack down should occur just before the out-of-towners turn up for their Christmas holidays - thereby breathing some funds into wheezing tills - is suspicious, to say the least. It appears to be a 'close relative' to the tactic of digging up roads in the middle of Semana Santa so everyone - visitors and locals alike - can see how industrious our town masters are.

Some secretive body has been putting up little anonymous posters asking: Mr Mayor, where are our parking areas? Where are the class tourists? Where is our Town Hall? Well, they might add, 'Where are our posters? Because they have all mysteriously disappeared. Such is the magic of the Christmas Season!

Our illustrious town hall has been 'selling' Almuñécar up in Madrid, in its ceaseless effort to proclaim the enchantment of our shores.... that little rubbly bit, between the Cross and the water park, for example. Every weekend, when football matches are broadcast on the TV and radio, you can see/hear publicity slots that promote our town's subtropical glory. Now we're not talking about local matches between the Nodding Nuns versus Lesser-spotted Acne Anarchists, for instance... this is First Division stuff!

Juan Carlos Benavides, our Mayor by grace of God and a few pieces of paper, was locked in reunion with the perfidious provincial authorities up in Granada - he was a man with a mission! He was trying to convince them to let him turn the pensioners holiday complex in San Cristóbal into permanent housing for the aged, while diverting the 'wrinkled holiday traffic' to our 'forgotten' hotels. This man is a genious! In one stroke he wipes out the waiting list for the old folk accommodation near the bus station and provides some trade for the tradeless hotels... somebody else will have to finance it, of course, but let's not quibble over trifles. Will Granada play ball? Who knows. The Turismo Tropical complex along San Cristóbal beach used to be a lunatic asylum back in the 80's, by the way, but we ran out of lunatics. Better said, they were all transferred to the town hall building, which explains the hooting and smirking within its industrious offices...

The reshuffling that took place in the IX Provincial Congress of the Partido Popular - who are anything but 'popular' at the moment - has left our local PP leader a happy man. Juan Luis González Montoro has been promoted to Provincial General Vice-Secretary of the party, which ranks him as the third most powerful PP man in the province of Granada. Sad, isn't it? Nah! Just joking Juan Luis, !hombre! Actually, he is a very accessible and affable man, who always finds time to answer our (Seaside Gazette) queries. If any of the other freebies are reading this... piss off and find your own contact!

The Department of Statistics has announced that nearly 1,500 people have registered on the town hall scrolls in the first eleven months of the year... Couldn't they have waited one month more and taken into account the whole year? Never mind. This figure gives us an impressive 130 people a month, tells us Juan de Dios Sánchez, who handles the empadronamientos on the first floor. 730 of that number are foreigners. Now before you go jumping to conclusions the nationality that has most registered is not the Brits, but the Argentines (126). The British have contributed a further 88 and the Moroccans, another 73. The Italians, Rumanians and Russians managed 40 each, whilst the Danes, Belgians and Swedes came up with 36, 21 and 20, respectively. "Although the average has been 130 per month, in the last few months it has reached 200," said Juan. The way things are going, the official population will very soon reach 25,000, which will make us the second biggest town in the province, after Motril. But this figure stands at least 10,000 below the real populations, which brings us to the point of registering! It doesn't cost you a penny, it doesn't make you liable to Spanish taxes and it brings more money into the town for our schools, roads and emergency services, for example. Go to the town hall, go up to the first floor, go nearly to the end of the corridor and enter the 3rd door on the right - there you will find Juan de Dios, under the window, to your left. He speaks English and French, although he doesn't like it being broadcast too much.

Around the middle of last month, VIAS, which is an immigrant help association, was formed. Although the association only has nine members to date, it is hoped that their ranks will soon swell. They aim to help immigrants from Africa, Eastern Europe and South America to assimilate into Spanish society. It doesn't matter whether the person's paperwork is in order or not - they will also help with that. For more info, enquire at the Centro Sociales 'Paquita Pérez,' which is behind the petrol station.

Back down to earth with a dose of politics! The local PP (conservative) through its chairman, Juan Luis González, denounces the fact that the town fire station has been unjustifiably put back two years, thanks to the present Town Council. Such delays, he says, are causing the loss of grants from the provincial authorities for this sector. He pointed out that under the agreement signed under the previous legislature - which he headed - the fire station was due to open during 2005 in the P4 area (where the football stadium is, more or less). However, under the present arrangements it won't be until 2007 and will be situated by the municipal plant nurseries (Velilla). Whatever the state of the fire service, it didn't stop them rushing to the scene of a fire in a flat in one of the blocks of La Carrera, locally known as the Chana. According to the Almuñécar Fire Service, the fire started at around 14.00 and was put out by 14.45, the cause being a short circuit in a washing-machine. Now, according to the four little old men and women, who habitually sit on the bench in front of the town hall - a much more informed source, indeed - the flat was being rented by two North African immigrants. Furthermore, the woman who owned the flat had really come unstuck, because the fire severely damaged the flat above it, too. The informative four also considered that the flat was not insured.... Ouch! One old gent, who you wouldn't expect to have the least technical sense, made a very true statement: It's so easy for a fire to start at home because it only takes the water supply to be cut when the washing-machine is on a hot wash... For an old Spanish man to know that such a machine exists, let alone distinguish between washing programmes, deserves serious anthropological investigation!

A Christmas visit brings a special present for 112 residents at a Motril old people's home. We're not talking about Father Christmas, but Jacky from Restaurante Jacky Cotobro. This chef with international repute has provided a Christmas dinner for the residents of San Luis home for the aged for the last 31 years - and it is a treat. Such a meal might cost you 50 euros per head and then to have such a chef to come to your home to work his magic would mean God knows how much more, but for the jubilant residents of San Luis, it doesn't cost a penny. The entire staff of 15 traditionally transfers operations to the pensioners' home on the last Monday before Christmas Eve. But it is not only the residents that enjoy the feast - the workers there are also invited, and for one day at least, are waited on at the home's dinner tables. It all started in 1973 when Jacky was on the point of throwing out his old crockery, but a friend asked him to donate it to an old people's home in Motril, instead. In those days, such an establishment was a pitiful affair. So moved by their plight was he, that he decided, with a group of friends, to raise funds for the house. Jacky has had his ups and downs since then, but has never failed to come up with the 'goodies' each year. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, in these times of sickening Christmas marketing campaigns and annual emotional blackmail, is still what Christmas is all about.

A mountain brush fire (read the Salobreña section for details) on the day before winter officially began, has got everybody thinking about year-round fire watch. Traditionally, Plan Infoca, which is the regional-wide fire prevention scheme, starts in May and finishes in late October - later if the autumn rains haven't arrived. With the increasingly late arrival of seasonal rainfall and out-of-season mountain fires, calls have been made to extend the fire campaign all year round. Now the provincial authorities have announced that they will reactivate two fire teams of twelve men plus appropriate vehicles and equipment on alert that had been stood down when the 2004 campaign ended. This announcement was made on the same day that the Mayor of Almuñécar, Juan Carlos Benavides, had severely criticised the provincial authorities for a lack of coverage in these abnormally dry months. He reminded them that there was a fire in January 2004 in the area of Peña Escrita, and that aerial water bombers had to come all the way from Sevilla, where they had been parked for the winter. Thanks to the benevolence of the wind direction, this delay did not provoke massive damage to the mountain park area.

Did you know that we're the only province in the whole of coastal Spain that doesn't have the new high-speed train? Well, in fact, we don't even have a train, but let's not quibble here. The motorway still isn't here and the 'voted vultures' of the Regional Government in Sevilla are talking about linking Almería with Málaga via the coast! This would mean that we would probably have desperate drivers parking on the railway lines in Almuñécar - little danger of trains, mind - as well as the pavements and people's feet. Of course, they are only 'considering' it and don't expect it to become reality for the next 20 years, but the main thing is to have a verbal masturbation over it, in the hope of impressing lobotomy-beset voters in the next elections.

If all goes well, the new village infant school will be open shortly after the Christmas holidays. Not bad - it's only taken ten years! This means that, at last, the pupils won't have to traipse half way around the village to get from one classroom to the next, as has been the case up till now. Yet many parents are happy because they fear that the company that is building the school will drag it out until they receive the outstanding payment from the Regional Government for the extension work on the village secondary school, which is completed and in use. Smelling a rat - and armed with credible evidence - the Chairwoman of the AMPA (Parent's Association) Pilar Ruiz, has approached the provincial educational authorities. In a written request she has asked for 'clarification' of the situation, so as to avoid a possible delay in the opening of the school. Basically, the construction company's concern is that payment for the extra extension work on the secondary school has not been taken into account, i.e., payment might not be forthcoming. Pilar Ruiz's letter leaves no excuse for the educational authorities to cough up. As it was, the commencement of the building work was delayed until the Town Council guaranteed funds via the Plan Aula 2000 scheme. Even if the school is opened in time, there remains a sour note - it has taken so long to build the school that the original specifications fall short of present day necessities, i.e., it's already too small.

It seems that we're writing about Joaquín and his Baracoa schemes in just about every issue - why break a tradition? The 9th annual campaign to help the Cuban town of Baracoa is aimed at restoring a pensioners' home in this Caribbean town. The campaign will culminate around the 23rd of this month with a promotional act in the Majuelo botanical park. The campaign is hoping to raise $46,000, which will finance 600sq/mts of building work. By the beginning of December, the campaign had already raised $32,000, thanks to a grant from the Regional Government. The rest will hopefully be raised via the traditional giant paella in the park and the sale of lottery tickets. But it is not only the old who will be benefiting from this year's campaign, because there will also be children's bicycles and toys, as well as clothes, footwear and medicines. Joaquín Barbero has been awarded the title, 'Hijo Ilustre,' which shouldn't take much translating. Also, the Cuban Embassy in Madrid has said that it will help him with all that La Asociación Amigos de Baracoa needs in its noble efforts.

The council department for pensioners has announced that there will be 'Human Relations and Dancing' courses for anybody over 55 and is retired. Hmmm. This 'human relations and dancing' sounds it bit like 'chatting up and discos' to me! That's the trouble with the older generation of today - it's all partying, boozing, loud music and dancing. Some of the men could do with a haircut, too! It certainly wasn't like that when I was a lad...

Oh dear, the underwater sea park is attracting all sorts of problems. The Costa Granadina fishermen, who practice trawling, consider that it will mean their extinction. In the meantime, illegal trawling in the Maro-Cantarrijan natural park waters has seriously damaged the seabed flora. It's a three-sided problem. You have the Almuñécar & La Herradura town hall(s) that want to fill the sea area with leisure craft and divers and scatter the seabed with sunken ships and Roman villas of the Acme variety. You have the fishermen who say that this underwater park will deny them the fishing grounds on which they depend for survival. Finally, you have the conservationists and park wardens who would much prefer if all human presence - both commercial and leisure - were avoided. As far as the underwater sea park goes, work has already begun, with the presence of that curious barge with a crane on deck. This vessel belongs to Ortiz e Hijos SA and Mediterraneo Servicios Marinos SL, who have landed a contract of 1,720,315 euros to dump rubber galleons and Greek temples overboard. Alright! Alright! They're made out of fibreglass - not rubber, but does it matter, apart from the fact that rubber floats? On a positive note, all these submerged obstacles will provide havens for all sorts of marine life, including bubble blowing pedestrians from the diving clubs. The fishermen really are a threat to themselves - a sort of Homo Sapient variant of lemmings. They complain that these fishing grounds off La Herradura and Almuñécar are the only ones that they have left, because of a scarcity of fish... I wonder why that is? Trawling, after all, is about as eco-friendly as the B29, Enola Gay. The marine biologists that have been checking up on the underwater meadows have found that it looks as if somebody has passed that way with a lawnmower. I wonder who that was? Spanish Fishermen have wiped out the fishing grounds in the Mediterranean and the North Sea. They were thrown out of the Moroccan fishing grounds because they were picking it clean and the Moroccans knew that they had a limited resource that they could use as a lever. Subsequently, they reached a deal with the EU, whereby they would allow Spanish ships into their water, if in exchange they could export tomatoes and other agricultural products to the Europe. Predictably, Spanish farmers told them to stuff it. Solidarity, my friends!

You see, the Spanish fishing fleet is the biggest in the EU. In fact, it used to be the largest fishing fleet in the world, barring the USSR's, before it disappeared. In short - too many ships; not enough fish. On top of that, the growing fish-farming industry is providing amazing amounts of fish at purse-friendly prices, even though it has the same 'glow-in-dark' quality as mass-produced chickens. Summing up, you have the ecologists, who will only be happy if Man were to sod off to another planet and gave the rest of God's creations a breather. You have the Spanish fishing industry that can be equated to Bruce Willis in 'Sixth Sense' or Nicole Kidman in ''The Others,' i.e., they're dead and they're the only ones that don't know it. And finally, we have the underwater park. The underwater park is to the underwater recreation industry, what all-year-round snow would be, for the Sierra Nevada tourist industry, i.e. it isn't going to please everybody but it's going to make a lot of money. Amen, goodnight and switch the lights off before you leave, please...

Luciano's customary Christmas raffle was drawn on the 27th, amongst expectancy and merriment. The main prize, naturally, was the Christmas hamper, but there were also 30 other prizes, so there will plenty of happy faces around. Georg, our publisher was there, but he wasn't in a much of a state to do any serious reporting. He had a very good excuse for being 'off duty' because it was his 50th birthday - the less said, the better. Yet he did manage to get some photos in. Here is one of them, featuring the main prize winner, Antonio Garrido, alias, El Perrete, next to our Luciano.

So, what are the plans for the northern end of the village - Barrio del Espinar and Maravillas? Two bridges and a wider road, for a start. If you use el Camino Real, which joins the old town to the Punta de la Mona, you will agree that it is narrower than George Bush's mind and equally as dangerous. This is the road that the Town Council plans to widen, and is included in the 2005 budget. The Mayor has already spoken with property owners who have land alongside the road, and is in the process of reaching an agreement. The Mayor says that as soon as the affected land is handed over, work on widening the road can begin. Camino Real used to be a sort of track for herding and horse traffic. It was converted to 'wheeled traffic' in the 60's but was only made wide enough for one-way use. With the coming development of the P-5 area, the Camino Real is going to become a much-transited access road for the expanding northern area of the village.

The Town Council has already requested permission from the CHS (Southern Water board) to build a road bridge between Barrio del Espinar and the Urbanización Antequera. At present, if you wish to drive between these two points you have to drive down to the bridge near the Hiper. There will also be a footbridge next to the Sevillana electricity transformer.

The Town Council has agreed to raise the fine for not wearing a crash helmet to 60 euros. Although this raises the fine by 50%, it's still a long way off the maximum fine permitted for such an offence - 91 euros. The opposition parties believe that culprits should 'pay their debt' through social services and, in the case of habitual offenders, the vehicle should be confiscated until the owner turns up with a crash helmet. Furthermore, the council members belonging to the opposition parties say that there should be more police presence and control, until the message sinks in. It doesn't matter how many times a parent threatens a certain punishment for bad behaviour - if the child sees that the threat is never, or very rarely carried out, it will continue in its unruly ways. In other words, it's no use imposing increasingly more expensive fines, if they are not imposed all day and everyday. The truth is that most readers could have finished that sentence for me, because it's what everybody thinks... but tell that to the town hall.

Performing artists are recognised as a temperamental lot, but that doesn't mean that they're not right to have the occasional stamping fit. Ballet Flamenco de Andalucía decided that 'enough was enough,' when the electricity went off for the umpteenth time in the middle of their act. The organisers at the Centro Cultural de Nerja, however, were not impressed by the precipitated and unannounced departure of the dancers. Such is the displeasure felt by the town hall that they are considering legal action against the dance troupe. Although the reason for the power cuts was given as a passing storm - and we're not referring to the ire of the stage stompers, by the way - it is curious that only the stage lights were effected and not the auditorium ones.

Hänsel and Gretel left a trail of bread to find their way home, whereas two teenage thieves inadvertently left a trail of condoms, which lead to their capture... reportedly, supposedly and allegedly, by the way. Perhaps they were ardent Catholics who oppose birth control, or perhaps they were purely 'overly optimistic' on their pulling ability with the local lasses. Whatever the case, these two lads allegedly levered a condom machine off the chemist's outside wall with a pickaxe and then ran off with it down to the surprised riverbed. Due to the noise caused, neighbours alerted the local police, who soon turned up and laid hands on the 'preservatives pirates.' However, when they were apprehended, they had nothing on them that could link them to the desperate crime. Yet they were not off the hook! When the thieves had hiked it off down to the riverbed, they had left a path of orphaned condoms, which helped the police to find the sulking machine amongst some bushes, together with the pickaxe.

Plans for the future. The fire station and the civil protection offices will be housed in a new building near the Cortijo del Cerro, which is near the motorway junction. The new Guardia Civil post and the municipal police station will be in the same area.

John Allen Hairdressing and Power Promotions (GHD product distributors) has teamed up to sponsor the girls, under-14, basketball team, Campus Frigiliana. The team has done exceptionally well over the last year and gained promotion to the Andaluz Basketball League for the first time. "They have shown such dedication and put so much effort into training that they all deserve to feel proud of themselves. We wanted to reward their efforts by helping to fund the team tracksuit, in order for them to attend games looking good and feeling great," said John.

La Sociedad Azucarera Larios (SALSA) and the Town Council has reached an agreement over the Águila Aqueduct over the Barranco de la Coladilla. Under the terms of this agreement the monument and the 243sq/mts plot of land that it stands on, passes to the ownership of the town hall, so that it can be restored. Despite its Roman air, it really belongs to the 19th century, The aqueduct has belonged to the sugar company since 1930, when the company acquired it from Banco Hipotecario de España. The monument is in a lamentable state, however, which is recognised by the architect of the municipal Council for Culture, José Ramón Cruz del Campo. The aqueduct stands 40mts tall in the centre and is 85mts long. In all it comprises of 36 arches. Joaquín Pérez del Pulgar & Ruiz de Molina ordered it to be built in 1879 to ensure irrigation water for the sugar plantations to the west of the Barranco de Maro. In a report that was written five years ago, it was estimated that 200,000 euros would be needed to restore it. Obviously, nowadays, it will require more.

The Guardia Civil rescued a dog that had been locked up in a house in Calle San Juan for more than a week. During this time, however, neighbours managed to feed it by throwing food onto a terrace. The owner - a North African - reportedly abandoned the dog when he fled his house to avoid being arrested for immigration problems. The landlady had been reluctant to enter the house to retrieve the dog without a court order being issued.

The Town Council has brought out a new ruling on billboards, notice boards and signs on facades in Nerja and Maro. This will mean that only those that are fixed to walls and do not stick out further than 40cms, and are at least 2.2mts from the ground will be permitted.

With all this windy weather, power-cuts and current fluctuations are frequent. A power surge, for instance, provoked a house fire in the Urbanización Alamar II, near Burriana Beach, in the last week of December. Neighbours had alerted the police in the early hours of the morning. When the police arrived they could see that a TV was on fire, yet nobody was inside the house. They had to force a gate to gain entry. However, the owner arrived moments later and was able to let the firemen in to quell the fire.

It was decided around the middle of last month that Resident's Day will be held on the 15th March. Around thirty associations and clubs made suggestions for the event, which will bring about changes in the format. For example there will be no food sampling inside the marquee for hygiene reasons. However, any group that wishes to provide a bar/food stall will be able to do so outside. Likewise no smoking within the marquee will be permitted, either. Anybody interested in participating should contact the town hall before the 15th January. The event will be held in the Verano Azul Park from 10h00 until 17h00. There will also be a stage set up for musical performances, should any of the associations wish to provide 'musical acts.'

Chaos: Men at Work. Do you remember that I mentioned a few months ago that I was relatively surprised that Nerja seemed to be very considerate to its pavement users during the course of building works. Well, blow me down with a feather! Look what happens when you just assume that you can step outside of your front door and amble up the pavement. Pavement? You can't even stroll up the road… It's bloody well gone, ain't it? The area around c/.Bronce, Nerja, is like a nuclear fallout zone. My condolences go to the poor folk living amongst the rubble, and I hope it makes life better for them… eventually! S'all my fault I suppose, for mentioning it in the first place… Sorry! I have learnt my lesson though, and although tempted to mention that my car seems to be going very well lately, decided not to even think about it, for fear of mechanical reprisal! Speaking of which - we recently watched the new movie 'I Robot', which, to cut a long story short, is all about the convenience of robots. Real robots (not the sort you find in a car plant) - that walk, talk, wash-up and do useful things to help us average mortals. Well, as you would expect, they became too clever, and…you guessed…took over the world…yabba, yabba, yabba, yawn! But, two days after watching the film, I sat in a café in Almuñécar, and saw on the news, a real-life - just like the movie- robot being advertised. Gulp, pinch me please!