Well, we enjoyed our month of optimism, but reality calls.

Whereas on street level the Almuñequeros continue to speak in favour of the Sandovala marina, the politicians are now busy at each other's throats over the project. The ecologists came out against the project soon after it was announced too. Their main objection is that salt water will contaminate the water table, if the project goes ahead. In fact, they consider that the planned port is only a ruse to get the Sandovala re-categorised into building land, so that once the project is inevitably rejected by any one of the higher administrative authorities, the door will be open to voracious urban speculation.

Ah well! The Seaside Gazette was impressed by the 'unity of purpose' of the moment, although this harmony finally turned out to have the breaking strain of a chocolate teapot.

The youth who was nabbed selling drugs outside Al Ándalus secondary school has been released, pending trial. The Guardia Civil had been carrying out a routine control near the school and had stopped and searched 20-year-old J.C.A. The lad, who is from the province of Ciudad Real, actually attends the school, but had left the school grounds during the morning break to 'allegedly' sell his wares. The Head pointed out that, as the incident occurred outside the school and that the suspect is of legal age, the school itself had no jurisdiction over the affair. He also commented that the staff is always vigilant towards any suspicious behaviour of this kind during the morning break period and informs the Guardia Civil, if any is detected. In fact, it was because of a complaint made by the parents' association, that the Guardia Civil now regularly carries out these patrols.

The four mayors of Valle Rio Verde (Almuñécar, Jete, Otívar and Lentejí) have banded together to demand a motorway connection for the Carretera del la Cabra (SO2). This is not a new demand, as when the Minister of Public works for the previous government, Álvarez Cascos, visited the area five years ago, it was presented to him. Although Almuñécar has its motorway connection in Taramay, it has joined its voice to the others because, as things stand, all traffic from further up the valley will have to come through the town's already congested streets. In the case of the Jeteños, for example, who find themselves barely two kilometres from the motorway, they will have to travel nearly 15 kilometres to get onto it. Another argument in favour of a direct connection is the demand of the heavy-lorry traffic to and from the valley's fruit-farming centres.

The controversial, winter closing of Hotel Playa Almuñécar (formerly Sol Meliá) for building reforms will conclude on the 18th of this month, with the reopening of the hotel. The hotel manager, Gonzalo García, pointed out that the building work has been extensive, costing 480,000 euros. According to the manager, the improvements will not only benefit the hotel guests, but also the Almuñequeros in general, because many of the installations will be open to the general public. The hotel now has a mini-golf area, a giant chess area and other child-orientated attractions. This is to bring the hotel's installation into the more 'family-orientated' line of the Playa Hoteles chain. The other hotel in Almuñécar that belongs to this hotel chain, Hotel Playacálida, which is situated next to the Cabria beach, will open on the 9th of the month, as well.

With analogical television in its death throes, thanks to the EU regulation concerning digital TV, even Almuñécar's tiny television channel is thinking 'digital.' The advantages, they reason, will be the wider choice of channels and better picture quality, but have you ever tried to watch Canal Tropical, as it is called? Even if you live right in the centre of town, as I do, then you have to decipher the image through wavy vertical lines. And quite frankly, it's rarely worth the effort. Its news service is informative, although very biased in favour of the Mayor's party - the PA, who actually own the channel. There seems to be a constant problem with the synchronicity of the sound track to films and series, which often results in the entertaining situation of a woman evidently speaking with a man's voice coming over, thanks to a five to six-second lag. Hey! But Almuñécar's was the first municipal TV channel in the whole of Spain, so credit where credit is due. The question remains, however, what the devil are they going to offer for the viewers with this digital, multi-channel choice? More indigestible South American soap operas and 1940's films? Things have certainly moved on, however, since the days of Otívar's had its own community video channel… Yes, it's true - Otívar had a small transmitter and broadcast films on most days in the mid 90's! The idea was that the locals would subscribe to the channel and finance the hiring of videos. The trouble was that many neighbours that lived near to the transmitter picked it up free of charge. Anyway, it wasn't viable in the end and the town hall sold the equipment.

A request has been sent by the Town Council to the Regional Government, requesting aid for the loss of crops, due to the abnormally low temperatures experienced at the close of January. You need only take a walk around the Vega to see how many chirimoyos have been 'burned' by the cold.

While work on the controversial Paseo del Altillo underground parking appears to be moving at last, unfortunately, it's not the only thing that seems to be moving in that area - cracks have been reported in neighbouring buildings. The leader of the PP, Juan Luis González, has filed an official complaint, prompted by worried neighbours. He pointed out that the original project for the car park situated the building work at more than 10 metres from the Altillo blocks, whereas, as anybody who has seen the construction work, digging has virtually reached the walls of the buildings in places. Resident associations for several blocks have called independent inspectors to come in and photograph the cracks, which from one photo, you can see somebody fitting his index finger into one. The Mayor still holds, however, that the area will be open to transit traffic by this summer. In other words, you will be able to drive past the Altillo area, which does not necessarily mean that the car park will be functioning.

Well, by the time that you read this, the new secondary school in the P4 will have been completed. Now we're only waiting for two things - after a ten-year wait. Firstly, the provincial educational authorities have to fill it up with furniture, equipment and material. Secondly, the township has to fill up the school with schoolchildren, so that they can destroy it. All things being equal, the school will be ready for the onslaught in September, to meet the beginning of the new school year. As yet, it still has not received a name. At the opposite end of the spectrum we have Torrecuevas junior school, which has become obsolete and surplus to requirements.

A businessman from Otívar staged his own kidnapping in Rumania, demanding a ransom for 36,000 euros from his wife, so that he could run off with a young Rumanian woman and lead a life of sin! It all started, for the wife at least, when she received a phone call from a woman, demanding (originally) 72,000 ransom for her husband. (A quick aside here: you can see that people still think in pesetas, because 36,000 euros is six million pesetas and 72,000 is twelve). As the husband had disappeared from home some days before, she was understandably worried. Oh, and a large amount of company cash also disappeared with him, by the way. The wife immediately believed the woman's claims, because she could describe the wife's children and their habitual clothes, what they normally did and where they went. She immediately contacted the Guardia Civil. Owing to the international nature of the incident, the police co-ordinated with their Rumanian colleagues and sent a special team out there. True to B-movie logic, the wife arranged to fly to Bucharest airport and hand the money over. So, the wife was there, the Spanish police team were there and the Rumanian police had the airport staked out, when who should turn up…? There was Hubby! Well, after a bit of tweaking, our Otiveño hero confessed that he had met a young Rumanian woman, with whom he had joyously exchanged corporal fluids and undying words of true love, and had decided to run away with her. Whose was the mysterious voice behind the threatening phone calls…? No Smarty points there! Well, he's back in Spain, although not living with his wife. In fact, he's decided that it would be best if he didn't return to sleepy Otívar, at all. The judge is now deciding whether to prosecute our hero.

This following article does not refer to last month's incident, where a Guardia Civil policeman was deliberately mown down by a driver. It is about an incident that occurred on the 10th November of last year and involved a local policeman. It was proved during the trial that two men had highjacked a car that had been left with keys in the ignition and had sped off. A local policeman tried to flag them down, but instead, they accelerated and drove directly at the policeman, causing him to jump for safety. Unfortunately, the policeman's patrol vehicle completely failed to jump out of the way, resulting in a collision. The judge sentenced both men to two years in the land of striped sunshine.

There has been more news, however, on the murder of the Guardia Civil policeman, as mentioned above. The police are now looking for three drug smugglers of North African origin. Police investigators consider that the culprits had not responded to the policeman's order to stop, because they were carrying a sizeable consignment of drugs in the stolen, large-cylinder car. It was also later stated that, such was the force of the impact, that the Guardia Civil officer, Rafael Peso Ruíz, was catapulted some 20 metres.

The trial of the Otívar man, who killed his mother and injured his father and cousin - the village's only municipal policeman - was held at the beginning of last month. The killing took place in September 2003, and was reported in the October Gazette. The public prosecutor asked for a sentence of 15 years, which is less than what the penal code recommends. This 'leniency' was applied because of Francisco F.G.'s mental illness (paranoiac-schizophrenia, for which he had been receiving treatment for many years.). However, the public prosecutor did not consider that his mental state completely excused him from any responsibility - hence his recommendation. The judge's finding has still to be made public, but we shall keep you informed.

Work on the Palacio de Justicia de Almuñécar (new law courts) will finally begin in 2006, according to the regional government MP, socialist, Rocío Palacios. The 4,000sq/mts. site is situated just behind Las Gondolas apartment blocks, in the P4. The building will have a building budget of 3.5m euros and contain four separate law courts, the Civil Registry Office and a forensic laboratory. Well, let's see if it happens, or is there no justice in Almuñécar?

It is always a treat for the 'sub tropically-spoilt' expats to be able to tear off into the mountains behind us to enjoy the snow. After all, here at least, winter is not a time; it's a place. So, with the snowfall in the Almijaras at the beginning of February, we took the Landrover up there and enjoyed the Christmassy feeling of crunching through snow. The whole of the area above the petrol station at the top of La Cabra mountain road was generously sprinkled with 'white rain.' Indeed, this back road to Granada is often impassable because of snowfall, at least once a year. Whilst Almuñécar's pampered inhabitants sit on sunny terraces in clothes, more appropriate for a Northern European summer, just 40 kilometres away you can be throwing snowballs around. Of course, it's not the 40 kilometres distance, but the 1,000-metre height, that makes all the difference. Yep! Winter is a nice place to visit occasionally for a couple of hours…

Taramay is growing - in political importance, at least. This could explain why the Mayor is lavishing a gaggle of monuments on this satellite township. But it's not only monuments - by the end of this month, Taramay will be able to boast a 10,000sq/mt park. El Parque Pozuelo takes its name from the nearby beach. This has been possible, thanks to a grant from the Council for Tourism and Sport, of the Junta de Andalucía. The Town Council has also thrown in some beer money, giving a total budget of 420,000 euros. The idea has been to recuperate the historical aspect of the Loma de Baúl, i.e., an olive grove. The area immediately behind the Pozuelo beach, until recently, was a campsite, however, with an abundance of eucalyptus trees to provide shade for the campers. The Loma de Baúl, in case you're lost here, is where they have built that heaving-great hotel, next to the Cabría beach - Hotel Playacálida. Returning to the new park, it has been fenced round with wooden fencing. Within it there will be a children's play park in the northern area. Along the area, running parallel to the beach there will be a petanca pitch, which is a cross between bowling and marbles. The French and the Belgians love the game and fritter away many moments of Gallic idiosyncrasy in intense competition. Finally, the park will also have changing rooms, toilets, showers, a storeroom and a small kiosk for refreshments… Nah! I've been having you on! They're really going to build six billion apartment blocks there, together with three dozen no-star hotels and a partridge in a pear tree, made from an elephant's scrotum and a tap-dancing squirrel's ear lobe! Smile, it could be worse - you could have actually parted with money to get hold of this magazine!

There have been two small fires last month. One house fire occurred in the Urbanizacíón La Najarra, which is just up from the main tourist information office. The fire service had little difficulty in extinguishing the fire and rescuing the flat's only occupant, who was taken to the local health clinic, suffering from mild smoke inhalation. The second fire was a brushfire between Otívar and Lentejí, which, again, was soon brought under control and put out. The cause of the fire, which destroyed half a hectare of brush and a few olive trees, is unknown.

Almuñequero, J.G.V., was sentenced to seven months in prison threatening to give his wife an infra-chin grin with a large knife. After serving this prison sentence, he will be forbidden from coming within 500 of his wife. The incident occurred in October last year during an argument in front of their young children. He told them, "I'm going to throw your mother out of the house and if any of you try to go with her, I'm going to find her and kill her." To facilitate comprehension, he proceeded to grab her by the throat apply a large knife to it saying, "I'm going to slit your throat." Obviously, J.G.V. won't be chosen to represent Santa at the Corte Inglés department store this Christmas…

'La Expo' at 'La Clinica' on the Paseo del Altillo in Almuñécar officially came to an end on 25th February. The idea of 'la Expo' was to raise funds for the In-patient Unit at the Cudeca Centre in Benalmádena, which is planned to be opened this June. Although Cudeca has helped and treated many patients in their homes and at the Cudeca Day Centre over the years, this will be a particularly important event, as it will be the opening of the first independent hospice in Spain. Joan Hunt, O.B.E. the President and Founder of Cudeca (pictured centre) was delighted to receive a cheque in the Cudeca Centre for 775 euros that was raised by Martin and Sheila from the sale of their artwork. And now, due to popular demand, Martin and Sheila will have a permanent exhibition of their photographs and paintings in 'la Clinica' and 25% of any sales will continue to be donated to Cudeca.

You will have noticed, if you live around here, that the small football pitch on the other side of the main road from the main football stadium has a new look to it. Yes, it now has a nice cover of artificial grass. It was a little alarming to witness, at first, because workers could be seen laying asphalt, and you couldn't help feeling that you wouldn't like to play on that! But fears were soon allayed, because it only turned out to be the base for the artificial grass. This football ground bears the name Rio Verde and has soaked up a budget of just under one million euros, thanks to the generosity of the Regional Government. The football ground also 'sports' various changing rooms, toilets and a store building. Now that Rio Verde is operative, all football matches will be played there for a while, to give the grass a chance to regenerate in the main stadium and in La Herradura's Las Tejas football ground. This is good news for the main stadium, Francisco Bonet, because the replanted grass hasn't taken and is in lamentable state. If you remember, the stadium had all the existing turf dug up to make way for the Motocross national scrambling competition. "We shall attempt to reach an agreement with the company (that replanted the stadium) because this is not what we paid for," said the Mayor, although he admitted that the unnaturally low temperatures might have influenced the growing cycle.

Talking of inaugurations, the town's new health centre is set to open for this summer. Its ten specialist doctors will mean that Almuñequeros and Herradureños won't have to go all the way to Motril for such services. This new health centre belongs to the new CARE (Centro de Alta Resolución de Especialidades) network. Basically, these specialists will attend once or twice a week from their base in Motril, but will have all they need to hand to carry out their function. So, you won't have to go to Motril, for example, for an X-ray, as we will have this equipment, and more, here. All told, the centre will have 32 doctor's surgeries, where ten GP's, nine nurses, three paediatricians, a Deontologist and a physiotherapist will work, not forgetting the administrative staff, veterinary surgeons and a pharmaceutical expert, who is specialised in public health.

Lentejí has finally got its new signposts! There are now signposts indicating trekking routes, as well, for Aguardajamas, Barranco Arroba, and Entrecierras.

Thanks to an agreement between the Flamenco culture association and the Town Council, there will soon be Flamenco guitar and dance classes on offer at the Casa de la Cultura. Besides this, there will also be a series of Flamenco exhibitions/spectacles from April through to December, which will be interrupted briefly in July, because of the university summer courses that will occupy the venue. The Flamenco course, which will cost 40 euros a month, will start at beginners level for both guitar and dance this month, at the hands of Almuñécar's respected and accomplished performer, Ricardo el de la Juana and the dancer, María la Canastera. The courses will last three months, to be followed by an intermediate course after the summer. You can find more information either at the Casa de la Cultura or at the very popular Taberna Flamenca, which is situated near the post office.

The PP has denounced the planned construction of a five-storey block on Cerro Gordo. The head of the local branch, Juan Luis González, firmly criticises the 'deceitful and fraudulent' attitude of the governing party, the PA. According to Sr. González, the Mayor has changed the land classification of a section of Cerro Gordo from 'hotel use' to 'residential' to benefit the building company Comarex (the same company that built Hotel Sol Meliá). Sr. González considers that the agreement made between the two parties is 'absurd,' as this land received building permission for a hotel on 7th May 2002. "The Mayor has changed it to allow the building of 96 flats in five-storey blocks," he explained. Furthermore, according to Sr. González, the PA council stands to gain 6,000 euros on every one of these flats. He went on to say that what the PA had done was precisely what it had criticised the PSOE 1995-99 town council for having done, i.e., changing the hotel plot for Hotel Velilla Park into an apartment block. He concluded that it was a case of 'bare-faced cheek' for the PA to criticise the PSOE over the freezing of the Hotel Fuerte project.

The Gazette popped along to the press conference called by the Danish group, Keops, whose project it is to build a luxury residential estate on El Peñon del Lobo, which is the hillside that lies between the Marina del Este and Cotobro. The company is set to invest 40m euros in the Bahía Fenicia project. Bahia Fenicia will comprise of 162 top-notch dwellings on 19,000sq/mts of land. "The development is aimed at the national and international buyer, who plans to take up residence over extended periods here," pointed out Svend Aage Jensen, chairman of Keops Development S.L. It was also commented that the 100-metre, no-build margin between the development and the sea would be strictly observed. No construction will be over three floors, affording in its stepped-back design ample views. The developers recognised that the price would be elevated, working out at some 3,500 euros per square metre, which means that prices will start off at 387,000 euros for the smaller flats. However, they announced that they already have 70% reservations made. There will also be a hotel with access to the Playa del Muerto, which is a popular nudist beach. Two interesting questions were raised. Firstly, what impact on the privacy of beach users would the proximity of a hotel and car park have, to which the Mayor replied, "Nobody is forced to take their clothes off, or keep them on." Secondly, how would the sewage disposal be dealt with, to which the Mayor responded that plans have been made to connect up the residential estate with the Cotobro sewage system.

The locals from the El Espinar part of the village have been protesting over their municipal water supply. The chairwoman for their neighbourhood committee, Carmen Molina, has been on to the water board, Aguas y Servicios, demanding that it should install new mains supply pipe work and drains. Since the last week of January they have had very little mains pressure, which, as many will know, means that you can't get a hot shower, if you have gas-fired hot water. As this was the coldest period in the last 20-odd years, you can understand their being a little miffed. This latest demand, though, is not the first, as they sent a petition, backed by 115 signatures, in September 2004.

The village will be getting its new sports pavilion in the next two years, if things move as planned. The basic project was approved by the Town Council at the beginning of February and has a project of 1,300.684 euros. The installation will be housed near La Noria. The project involves two connected buildings. In the smaller building will be the showers, changing rooms, the stores, toilets, a bar and instructors' office. In the larger building there will be a 40x20sq/mts court/pitch and seating for 184 spectators. "The Town Hall envisages extending the facilities to cater for more spectators in the future," said the Mayor. The money for this, by the way, is a kickback for the Cerro Gordo development. Building developers must set aside a certain percentage of any terrain that they wish to exploit for 'social uses.' This can either be handed over as 'land' or its equivalent value in cash to the Town Hall.

La Herradura's tradesmen and business owners had a meeting, with the intention of reactivating their association, which has remained inactive for several years. The meeting was held in the Centro Jate and began with the resignation of the previous governing body, which was presided over by Antonio Corral Ruiz. Concepción Barbero was elected in his place and a membership fee of 25 euros per quarter was established. The choosing of other governing members was postponed until their next meeting.

The Ministry of Public Works has promised to erect a road barrier, where the N-340 runs parallel to Las Gaviotas junior school. This announcement was made by Rocío Palacios, who besides being the head of the local branch of the PSOE, is also a MP for her party in the Regional Government in Sevilla. She also announced that Taramay will be getting its traffic lights (gloom!) According to Sra. Palacios this would happen 'in the coming days,' just as soon as the appropriate paperwork is 'shuffled.' While the news on the road barriers for the junior school is excellent news, you can't help feeling that the traffic lights for Taramay will be a disaster. These last two summers, thanks to the installation of traffic lights on the P4 entrance junction, tailbacks have reached halfway to Salobreña. Now with traffic lights in Taramay, you can expect traffic jams up to the French border. If the bloody things were at least synchronised, it might help matters.

The PA, which is the governing party, in case you didn't know, has been kicking up a fuss about the freeze on the Hotel Fuerte project at provincial level. As the PSOE hold power on the national, regional and provincial level, the PA place the blame squarely on the socialists shoulders. "We cannot continue to permit that PSOE refuse us the economical development of La Herradura and we cannot allow them to ruin our future," reads a statement issued by the PA. This hotel project, which entails a four-star establishment of 300 rooms, to be situated in the Pantano de la Herradura area, will cost 18m euros to build and would supposedly provide 100 jobs. A deal was signed in 1999 between the town council of the time and the hotel chain Fuerte Hoteles.

Día de la Paz. I remember when we first came to La Herradura, some four years ago, looking down on the beach from Las Palomas and seeing a small group of children parading along the front, carrying a banner. Perhaps it is no coincidence that Las Palomas had then, and still has now, as its symbol, the dove of peace. And also, it's quite telling that this event has grown into a full-blown celebration of peace, with presentations from all levels within the school, music (Why does it have to be dangerously loud?) and a Brazilian group sporting whistles and tin drums. Wow!

During the Carnival celebrations the skies may have opened up just as the parade started, but that didn't dampen the spirits of the children … or the colours of the costumes, for that matter! We all still love to dress up and this year was no exception. In fact, Carnaval seemed to defy all the religious conventions, and lasted almost as long as Lent, itself. We started off with the children's parade on February 8th in La Herradura, enjoyed the adult's parade through Almuñécar on February 12th, and even witnessed the children's parade finally in Almuñécar on February 15th. Coupled with experiencing Antonio's version at the Cochera in late January, we really feel that the celebrations just keep going -and getting better!

You'll be delighted to hear that the efforts from El Ancla's Auction of Promises held on February 12th raised an amazing 6,400 euros. Thank you to everyone involved and to all the generous bidders and buyers on the night. Not to mention, John Parker's amazing talents as a caller - watch out local market stalls, this chap is going to start reeling off his cockney slang any minute now.

Luciano has not just been pouring shots - he's also been snapping them, too! With his works on show at the Hotel Almijara in La Herradura for one week from 18th February, Luciano's fame as a local photographer is now firmly in place. His is a display of spectacular scenes on our treasured beach, where he has really captured the sentiment of La Herradura in all its simplicity and natural beauty. Obviously, others think the same way, since Luciano's work was so well received - even by the time we left on the opening night, only three of his photos had not been 'snapped up!'

Watch this space for the long-awaited and well-worth opening of Gaynor and Graham's joint venture into the hospitality world of La Herradura - El Oasis. After meeting the huge list of new EC directives on soundproofing and providing adequate disabled facilities, they really are very close now. What do they say about that very first drink tasting best?

Rafa is one of the few real restaurateurs I have met since coming to Spain. By this I mean that he really does enjoy sharing the dining experience with his mates, oops I mean diners. He always likes to discuss the meal, the wine, the food and your entire experience there with him. Then, with the recent face-lift, which has brought the Clipper into the 21st century, it really is looking the business. And now, to top it all off, Rafa has introduced us to Argentinean barbeques and mixed grills in La Herradura. Ah but you do spoil us!

A brilliant new shop opens its doors in the village, as the brainchild of Alejandra and Carlos. Always a keen surf enthusiast in her homeland, Argentina, Alejandra decided to open up this outlet, named after a famous surfing beach in Buenos Aires: Pinamar. Stocking all the best-known brands in the industry, such as Roxy, Quicksilver, Adidas, Oxbow and Rip Curl, Pinamar Surf can provide you with all you need to be a convincing Surf Dude or Dudette, including sunglasses, surfboards, cool clothing, straight through to boards, sails and kayaks. Opening hours are 10h-14h and 17h-21h Monday to Saturday. And they're even open over holidays and festivals!

The intrepid five that discovered the Nerja Caves back in the 50's will be able to enjoy an annual pension for life of 3,600 euros. These five gents, then (Francisco Navas Montesinos, Manuel & Miguel Muñoz Zorrilla, José Luis Barbero de Miguel and José Torres Cárdenas) will receive this little 'extra' from the Cave Foundation Fund. Not bad, eh, for having gone out with your mates 50 years ago, on one hazy day of childhood, and discovered a hole in the ground...

Robin Hood or Robbing Hoods? The staff at the provincial tax office, which is situated in Giner de los Ríos, was unable to attend the lambs that had arrived for slaughter because they had been done over during the night, so to speak. The burglars got away with 6,000 euros of computer equipment, which had only been installed the month before!

Talking of robberies, the Town Council is getting a little annoyed at the geranium thieves. For the last few months, all sorts of plants and flowers have been disappearing from public gardens and traffic islands. Images of my mother spring to mind with her, "I'll just take a small cutting for my garden back home - I'm sure nobody will mind..." But we're not talking about a 'small cutting' from a wild flower in the countryside - we're talking about hundreds of colourful plants that have been laboriously planted in public places for common enjoyment. The 'top plant' of the month that has caught our light-fingered friends' fancy is the cyclamen. According to the Town Hall, just in Calle Pintada around 100 plants in the first two weeks of February have disappeared. The municipal police have accordingly been ordered to stake out the triffids!

Yet the light-fingered do not always get away with it. The local police (which, for the easily confused, is another name for the 'municipal police') arrested a man from Cartagena who had been pretty busy around town, recently. He stands accused as being the culprit to the burglary of a restaurant on La Torrecilla beach. But he is no stranger to the Nerja police because he was nabbed at the end of January for stealing a valuable object from El Salvador church. The police had caught him red-handed on this latest occasion, forcing open a drinks vending machine with a beach umbrella pole.

New building regulations will be coming into effect in Maro that will restrict all buildings to only two floors, (ground floor included). This was included in the Plan Espacial de Protección del Paraje Pintoresco, which aims to protect the village centre aesthetically. The idea has been in the pipeline since the 80's. Within the document is a plan to increase the green areas in Calle Maravillas and on the corner of Playamaro on the lane leading down to the beach. But perhaps the two most important projects included in the document are a paseo/wide pedestrian path to the north of the village, along the main road, which will connect the Nerja Caves roundabout to the fairground and, a parking area for 100 cars under the Plaza del Balcón de Maro. In compliance with requests from the locals, the minimum building plot will be 100sq/mts.

Carnival means more than just disguises for supermarkets - it means that they are going to lose a lot of shopping trolleys! You see, many kids cart each other around in shopping trolleys through the streets - a bit like mums always used to lose their old prams on Penny-for-the-Guy, Firework night run up. It wouldn't be so bad if they were discreetly returned, but the most likely scenario is to find abandoned trolleys in riverbeds or thrown off the Balcón de Europa on the following Monday morning.

Foreign department services. Non-residents will now be able to collect the 214 Patrimonio Tax form at the Foreigners Department at the price of 1€ and do not need to go to Hacienda in Vélez-Málaga especially to collect this form, you can pay the Patrimonio Tax at any bank in Nerja. Also, Residence Cards forms or the NIE numbers forms are now available at the Foreigners Department free of cost. When you have filled in the form you must submit this document at the Torre del Mar National Police Station. These new services will spare you one trip to Vélez Málaga or to Torre del Mar and queuing just to collect the form.

The residents of Tropicana are reported to be very sad this winter, because the egrets have not been seen. These very elegant white birds usually spend a few weeks in the green belt of the urbanización. This year, they seem to be replaced by a variety of cranes in strange metallic colours of royal purple and lawn green, which appeared out of the blue yonder very early one morning, when nobody was looking. These monsters of steel have turned the place into the busiest construction site on the Costa. One resident professor suddenly found that the trees he had planted and nurtured with his own hands had been uprooted. Having lived in splendid isolation for many years, he is now surrounded by gaping holes and noisy construction. An Anglo-Belgian couple living in the midst of the turmoil remark bitterly that you can never find a builder when you need one. Now they know where they all are.

Although the egrets are missing, Nerja seems to be attracting exotic birds with colourful tropical plumage. Unbelievably, not only are there green parrots flying freely near the Parador, but their 'cousins' are flying around the Balcón de Europa, as well. These are of a more mischievous variety, as they seem to posses a strong attraction to shiny jewellery and watches. Evidently they swoop down into open windows and take what they like! Hmmm, this sounds like a movie plot... perhaps we should call Spielberg and see if he would like to remake Hitchcock's 'The Birds.' The Pirate Parrots of Nerja - has a ring to it!

In early February, Almuñécar couple, Bjorn and Vivienne Engstrom, hosted the Nerja History Group organising team for a scholarly and interesting presentation of Spanish influence in the Philippines. Let me see if I have this straight, they call themselves the Nerja History Group, yet they had a clandestine meeting in Almuñécar. They purport to be studying local history, yet they were studying the Philippines. What does this mean? Easy. Sounds like plans for World Domination. Why don't you investigate? They meet 11.00 the first Friday of the month at Nerja's Hotel Plaza Cavana.

The Cómpeta Town Hall invited Nerja-based Grupo de Camera Cantilena to perform for their music festival, Ritmo de Competa. Their primarily cappella program consisted of Spanish pilgrim songs from the middle ages. From all reports, the concert attendees - inspired no doubt by the music and the fact that Cómpeta has been officially chosen as a pilgrimage spot for the Año Jubilar - started feeling overwhelming urges to don long brown cloaks and chant. What exactly does that mean and should the local ambulatorio be advised? Should Cantilena be declared a health hazard?

A recent caller to RSA 99.1fm, Nerja's Community Radio Station, complained that the station was 'ruining his life.' Why? The caller lives in a valley out of range of the stations broadcast area, so the caller has taken to listening to RSA in his car. One Thursday night, after listening to Words & Music, the new show dedicated to the written word and presented by WH Smiffs' Rob Stokes, the caller discovered his battery was dead. Oh, dear!

The Nerja Players recently held a successful event with period staging and a selection of songs of Ivor Novello, resulting in a nostalgic 'Palm Court' feel. Kudos to John Bowkett for devising, directing and producing the evening. Feeling the thespian bug tickle you? Give them a call! Vanessa 952 524 176 or Norma, 952 522 974.

Galeria de Arte Margetson held its farewell exhibition with the incredible Espiritu de Asia. Those of you that know John Margetson, know how important his 'Love a Child' Foundation is to him. More significantly, how important 'Love a Child' is to the children of India. A few years ago, during a trip to India, John came across the Bon Children's Home. Impressed with the efficiency and quality of the work that they were doing with local children, John took it upon himself to bring international attention to the Bon Children's Home. His Espiritu de Asia exhibit featured original, vivid and surprisingly good paintings done by the children. A charity auction was held, opening night with Rod Thomas from Team España as the auctioneer. All monies raised during the exhibit were given to the Bon Children's Home.

Jose Manuel Cabezas, of Instituto Sierra de Almijara, gave a special NADFAS presentation to an overflowing audience about 'Stereotype Images of Spain,' Read this list and see how many of you are guilty of: bullfighting, bureaucracy, corruption, Carmen, danger, fiesta, gypsies, inquisition, mañana, machismo, passion, romantic, wine. Now designer Luis Santiago makes you face them - in a very funny way. He has a series of clever sketches called 'Spanish Life' available on cards, posters, calendars and mugs. Visit the artist and enjoy his wicked, witty work and sense of humour! You will find him at Hemingway Books on Calle Rodriquez Acosta in Nerja. There you can also find literary and linguistic surprises and a range of books in many languages including Swedish, English, and German.

Lastly, local psychic Cesar Eneldo has reported his latest vision: He sees tiny green duendes digging up flowers freshly planted in the Nerja roundabouts. Perhaps someone should advise the Nerja Town Hall that leprechauns are spending St. Patrick's Day in Spain instead of Ireland this year.